Nate 'n' Robbiesue

mae wright photography 2011

2011-10-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

(She peed on me.)

Photos taken July 3, 2011

Photographer: mae wright

Location: Breck Farms

Hazel, 32-months-old

Piper, 11-months-old

You really must love me if you read this whole thing.

2011-10-20T15:45:00.000-07:00

So how crazy can things get? Probably crazier than they are, but here's hoping that doesn't happen.

I think the last true post I wrote (previous to all my blips during "Nathaniel's Week") was right around Piper's birthday. Okay, so it's going to take some real hard thinking and serious editing to get my timeline straight regarding all the stuff between then and now...

About a week after Piper's party, Nate and I headed to Cannon Beach for three days away. I had planned and skimmed tips for five months to take Nate back to the Prayer Lookout in Rockaway. Karen and Stephen took care of the kiddos while we were away and it was amazing.

The weather was by far the best we've ever experienced, and so the beach was loaded down with people. That's not saying too much, though, since I have some people-free beach pictures as proof that we went to the coast. You'll just have to believe me.

People were swimming, skim boarding, trying to surf - it was awesome to watch. We just wandered and ate and wandered some more. It was a gift to be able to enjoy ourselves so completely. My budget was exactly what we needed it to be, and that was an answer to prayer! I was nervous the whole time that my calculations we're off, but nope! It was lovely. Couldn't resist calling home several times, though...

When we returned home, it was to a happy Hazel and Piper. But I quickly noticed that Hazel's little bump on her collar bone (which has been there since birth, although it started out as a divet and then popped a little head up about a year ago) had become an inflamed lump. The head was missing. It had had a little white head that she'd never noticed, so we'd just kept watching to make sure she didn't try to pick it off.

(Okay, so this next picture is of Hazel's first appointment, when she met the nurse-practitioner, Kandice. She asked to see Hazel's "bump" - I had told Hazel that the doctor would use her eyes to look at the bump at first, since Miss B. was super sensitive to too much fiddling with the bump, especially after all the BandAids that I'd had to change. In the first picture she's telling Kandice, "Now you be kind!" I love her face in the second picture - Kandice was checking her ear. She was nowhere near the bump.)

I took Miss B. to the pediatrician's office the next morning. Dr. Mooney took some pictures and sent them over to an ENT's office (Ears Nose Throat). We were referred over to another doctor at OHSU after several rounds of strong antibiotics didn't touch the infection.

At the first appointment, we were told that the size of the lump needed to diminish with yet another round of even stronger antibiotics within about five days (by the next appointment), or else. And that's never a good thing to hear. Each dose of that horrible medication that I had to feed to my little trooper was tied closely to a prayer: "Lord, help this bugger of a lump to go away completely - and thank You for giving me a kiddo with such a good attitude and strong, determined personality." Shoot, I accidentally got a bit of her powder antibiotic one day, and my stomach heaved immediately. I had to open an entire capsule of the stuff onto a spoonful of food and have her eat it all at once, four times a day. That little bit on my finger overwhelmed my mouth - I couldn't even begin to imagine how horrible and overwhelming it would be to have to swallow the entire spoonful of medicine.

Okay, so at the second appointment, there was no change in the size of the lump. I was at the appointment alone with the girls when the nurse practitioner told me that I had an emergency appointment scheduled with a surgery nurse a mile away, across OHSU. Oh, and I could walk there, following their not so careful instructions. I was a vision as I trudged across the hospital campus to Doernbecher, Piper in her carseat over one arm, dragging Hazel, and with two bags strung across my chest. It was beyond heavy. And then we went the wrong way. I went the wrong way. I was standing at a service elevator several floors away from where I needed to be when an employee had mercy on me. Not only did she give me better directions but she walked me to the right bank of elevators.

At the waiting area for the pediatric surgery ward, I blatantly ignored the "No Food!" signs and fed my hungry kiddos. While crying. I was devastated at the news that Hazel would have to have surgery, not once but twice: We needed to drain the infection from the brachial cleft sinus, let it heal, and then remove the entire thing in a future surgery. I admit, the idea of the cost was beyond what I could handle. I was totally overwhelmed.

Hazel's surgery to drain the infection was scheduled for the following Thursday, September 1st. Piper was left with my mom and dad, and we drove Hazel over to St. Vincent's in Beaverton. Yes, I had heard from the scheduling person for our doctor that my insurance covered the doc but not OHSU, so we had to utilize his permissions at St. V's for the surgery. Hazel's surgery was early in the day, so her fasting wasn't too horrible. She did so well.

She played in her little jammies for awhile and made friends with every nurse who took the time to stop and say hello. She stole someone's stethoscope - the nurses were so impressed with her avid interest in that stethoscope that they scrounged up a FisherPrice doctor set and gave it to her to take home. Piper gets her medicine every day now.

They rolled Hazel away to the operating room, and we were walked to the waiting area. I played two games of Sudoku on my phone and then her surgeon walked out and told us we could go back to see her. It took three hours to wait for the OR. It took eight minutes total to drain the sinus. And then it took 45 minutes for Hazel to come out of the anesthesia enough to stop trying to kill Nate and I. What a weird day.

The kid tried so hard to play like normal when we got back home, but we had to keep her on the couch. Every time she escaped us successfully, she'd try to run away and end up meandering some sort of tipsy turvy path. That night was the first time she fell out of her big girl bed. We heard a thud but nothing else, so Nate decided to go check on the girls. I listened in at the baby monitor as he walked into their room.
N: Whaddid you do?
H: I fell outta my bed.
N: What happened?
H: I just, I just fell outta my bed. Teddy bear, I fell out of my bed.
N: Are you okay?
H: Yeah...Alice, I fell outta my bed. Wabbit, I fell outta my bed. I'm okay, Daddy. Piper, I fell outta my bed.

She told everyone and everything in her room that she fell out of bed. But she was fine! Nate tucked her back into her bed and she knocked out again!

And this is now where my timeline wanders. We were at the beach August 12-14, and then we house-sat for Richard and Liz beginning August 27th. The surgery for Hazel landed in the middle of house-sitting.

On August 27th, we loaded up our cars and headed to Richard and Liz's, where we house-sat while they were in Hawaii. It was lovely, so lovely to stretch our legs and spread out a little. I took the time away from the Great Room as an opportunity to pack it up for our pending move back to the old neighborhood (the one we were in before the move to the Great Room). (And I don't know if I should capitalize Great Room, but I totally am - it deserves a proper name.)

We balanced out our days in Sandy by driving into Happy Valley often to pack. Each time we'd arrive at Rick and Karen's house, Hazel would start shrieking, "I don't want to be here! I don't want to go downstairs! I'll play upstairs, but not downstairs! No no no!" It was awesome.

I packed what I could around meals and naps, but the majority of packing happened the night before we moved. On Friday night, September 9th, I worked from 2pm-10pm and then stopped by the Great Room to finish it up. Nate was still there when I arrived. Which meant the girls were still there. Piper was sleeping, Hazel was sitting at the top of the world, trying to sleep in Grandma and Grandpa's bed. (It was not working.) Nate and Karen were pulling all the stuff out of the attic that we'd had to stash in there. Rick was in the hospital at this time, dealing with a staph infection. It was amazing timing that he was in the hospital then, because he didn't have to be witness to all our stuff and he wasn't then limited in his movements by us setting all our boxes from the attic in the living room. Don't get me wrong: It was bad bad bad that he had a staph infection. He's doing much better now, by the way.

I finished around 3am. Too tuckered to move, I bypassed cleaning the new house on the way home and just drove straight out to Sandy (I still regret that decision). I fell into bed around 4am, and was woken up by the girls around 7:30am. When I tripped my way downstairs (seriously, but not) I found that my most amazing husband had picked up Joe's Donuts (and the world should know by now that that's the way to this girl's heart) for the movers, and stopped back by the house to leave a couple for Hazel and I to munch on for breakfast.

I didn't have childcare help until about 2pm, so I loaded the girls up in my car and ventured over to the Great Room to oversee some loading and help with lunch preparation. I really didn't do anything, though. Aunt Nancy did all the food stuff - I stood in the way and talked too much.

Movers arrived at I don't remember what time, straight from loading up the storage unit. We ate and then they hopped back to it. We were so blessed by all the bodies that showed up to help us move. It was miles from what our last move had been like. We had ten people helping. And that's the only way our extra involved move was successfully completed in just a short 11 hours. (I seriously can't believe it even took that long.)

We fed people breakfast, lunch, and then dinner (for the few who helped us really wrap it all up at the end of Saturday). So on Sunday I worked again, but swung by the house on my way back to Sandy (where we were still house-sitting for another four days) to put beds together. My most awesome brother-in-law Stephen showed up to help me! I think he just wanted his shoes, but he made the mistake of offering to help me. I handed him some tools and he put together Piper's crib, Hazel's bed, and helped me put the headboard on our bed frame. I buried myself in boxes and newspaper in the kitchen, just trying to make some semblance of order from the chaos. Unpacking is like Christmas for me. I really love it...for the first two days. After that it becomes like those super extended family get-togethers that happen a month after Christmas, and you're wondering why you don't just call it what it is: a President's Day family potluck.

We didn't immediately take residence in the new house. We finished up house-sitting for Richard and Liz, so that carried us through the following Tuesday. By Tuesday evening we were exhausted and ready to be in bed. Dinner time came and went, bedtime came and went, and still we were cleaning the house and loading our cars. At 8:30pm, we finally left for our new house.

So Wednesday, September 14th, we began our new phase of life: I fondly refer to this season as, "Non Basement Living." We are beyond blessed to be here, and still so glad for the lessons we learned while living in the Great Room. I do not say that tongue-in-cheek. I truly mean it. I'm sure I blogged this before, but awhile back Nate and I had a very revealing conversation while we were sitting on our bed in the Great Room, eating dinner. He looked at me and said, "I know this is almost the toughest thing we've ever done, but this is the happiest I've ever been." I was shocked. And touched. I'm so lucky to have a partner who takes on the hard times like a personal challenge, and walks away with such amazing grace, generosity, and humor. He has caught me when I've stumbled, and he has yet to flay me alive for stupid mistakes I've made (for example, hitting a tree in our new driveway with his truck - but that's a story for another time).

So here we are, happily planting our feet, and feeling blessed to be given so much. We have a full pantry, lots of space to live and play, working cars, jobs, our kiddos, our families, our marriage, our faith...This is beyond good.

I feel like we really are taking root here. It's the small things for me. We hung the curtains and it felt like this suddenly truly became our house. I made banana bread muffins, and that did it too. We're already making memories here. It's so very nice. We don't know what God has in store for us, but we're whole heartedly praying for His blessings to be heaped upon our little family. Things are shifting and changes might be fast approaching - I'll have to keep you posted. I promise, I will. Just pray for us in the meantime. We're in His hands, and we're so glad that we are. Cheesy? Maybe. Totally true? Yes.

NMB

2011-10-03T19:33:00.000-07:00

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.

- Robert Frost

NMB

2011-10-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart sobs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”
–Author Unknown

NMB

2011-10-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

We thought of you with love today,
but that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday,
and the day before that, too.
We think of you in silence,
We often say your name,
But all we have is memories
and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake,
with which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping,
We have you in our hearts.

We shed tears for what might have been,
a million times we’ve cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
you never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
in death we love you still,
In our hearts you hold a place
no one could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
but you didn’t go alone,
For part of us went with you.
– Author Unknown

NMB

2011-09-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

A thousand words can’t bring you back,
I know because I tried;
And neither can a million tears
I know because I cried.
~Author Unknown

NMB

2011-09-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we
don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t

live without but haveto let go.

- Author Unknown

NMB

2011-09-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

It must be very difficult

To be a man in grief,

Since “men don’t cry”

and “men are strong.”

No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult

To stand up to the test,

And field the calls and visitors

So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she’s all right

And what she is going through.

But seldom do they take his hand,

“My friend, but how are you?”

He hears her crying in the night

And thinks his heart will break.

He dries her tears and comforts her,

But “stays strong” for her sake.

It must be very difficult

To start each day anew

And try to be so very brave -

He lost his baby, too.

(Author Unknown)

NMB

2011-09-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to

step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of

two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on

or you will be taught to fly.

– Author Unknown

NMB

2011-09-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

Dream

I am drawn quietly to his grave to check on him,

Just as I’d have been drawn quietly to his crib.

I trim the grass around his marker,

And dream of trimming bangs from his forehead.

I place flowers in his vase,

And dream of placing kisses on his check.

I hold his memory dear to my heart,

And dream of holding him in my arms.

- Author unknown

NMB

2011-09-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

The mention of my child’s name may bring tears to my eyes,

But it never fails to bring music to my ears.

If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name.

It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.

– Author Unknown

There is only one thing worse than speaking ill of the dead –

and that is not speaking of the dead at all.

— Anonymous

NMB

2011-09-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

- Elizabeth Stone

Ah, Piper Sue...

2011-08-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

Piper turned one on August 6th, and I can hardly believe it! Where oh where did the last year go? Seriously. I'm lost. The ten months we've lived in the Great Room have indeed flown by, praise God. And now it's time to move on - or, as my MIL Karen put it the other day, we're way beyond that time. Moving is going to be just the thing our little family needs!

So Piper's first birthday party was on Sunday the 7th. I worked Friday night, Saturday morning (followed closely by my ten year high school reunion - crap, I'm old), and Sunday morning. My weekend was packed, so as we got closer to the party, I worked hardest at maintaining my reason and logic: If the chocolate covered pretzels didn't materialize, the end of the world was not near.

With the oatmeal intolerance that came to light the week before (read on - I'll fill in that little detail at the end of this post), we decided that Piper would have a gluten-free cupcake, even though we already had a beautiful, gluten-full birthday cake in the process of being made.

The morning of the party, I finished work around 11a.m., and then whizzed home to change and box up all the stuff I would need to take over to Mom and Dad's for the party. Nate had the girls lunched, dressed for naps, and in the car before I could even say, "See you in a bit." He took them to Mom and Dad's to nap while we finished setting up for the party. I ran a couple errands, and then Nate called and convinced me to get to the house so that he could finish the errands.

When I got to Mom and Dad's, I began working on the cheeseball, veggie tray, etc. A co-worker from Starbucks came over and put the cake layers together and decorated the cake per the picture I had found in a Martha Stewart party book. The cake concept fit unbelievably well with the birds/nests theme I seem to always carry throughout my home and celebrations.

People began arriving exactly on time! I was late. Totally. I kept racing things out to the table on the back deck and then dodging back into the kitchen for more last minute touches. So not cool. I felt terrible. While I was doing that, Nate got the girls up and dressed and party presentable. (He even remembered their headbands - I have the best husband in the whole world!)

Piper took a look at all the people looking back at her and she began to cry. It was too funny. Hazel is such a little entertainer; Piper seems to be more modest, or timid maybe. I'm not sure. It took some time, but eventually she chippered up and began to chat with people.

When it was time for her to eat her cake, we stuck her in her bumbo chair, attached the tray, and presented her with her GF red velvet cupcake from New Seasons. She immediately pinched some frosting between her fingers and stuck it in her mouth very thoughtfully. It took .09 seconds for her to realize the cupcake was like a dream come true. She began shoveling it into her mouth with fervor.

Her sugar high carried for her a bit, and then she needed her bottle to cool down. Tutu took care of that. Tutu also gave her a bath to clean off all the red velvet (thank you, red dye #40).

Piper's first birthday was such a wonderful celebration! And so timely! She kicked C.diff's butt to the curb (with the help of her 10-day antibiotic & probiotic regimens); she began to focus on her motor skills, army crawling and scooting everywhere, pulling herself up on things; her weight skyrocketed up by two pounds in just under two weeks; she's chatting up a storm, pointing her little fingers and asking something akin to, "Whazzat?!" about everything. We had so much to celebrate with her.

And today I put her in some 12-month clothing. It fit! She is lengthening, and we see her chunking out in her face. Miss Pumpkin Pie is doing some serious growing!

A day after we got the news that she was over her C.diff, totally in the clear, I fed her some oatmeal (about 1.5 Tablespoons worth mixed with formula) and she threw it up about three hours later (same time frame as when she threw up awhile back). It was her first oatmeal since the ER visit. A little light went on in my head: "AHH! Oatmeal is a problem for her!" I called her pediatrician as soon as she tossed up her food and we decided that she's at least intolerant of oatmeal. We have no idea how far that extends, but we'll begin investigating when she's a little older. In the meantime, she won't be getting any food with flour in it. I make all her foods (fruits, veggies, proteins), so I'm able to be careful with her diet.

With the move about four weeks away, we have so much hope, joy, and anticipation. And gratefulness. I look back over where we've been, and at what God has carried us through, and I'm filled with an acute awareness of His daily presence in our lives. He steadily and surely walks with our little family.

We're headed over to house-sit for Uncle Richard in about two weeks - and then we begin to pack up our Great Room! This next month is going to fly by, I think.

Guess what. Another move.

2011-08-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

But I'm so excited about this one!

Don't get me wrong, we've been so blessed to live here. Paying less in our monthly expenses definitely came at the right time. But now it's time to expand and breath a little easier. We're looking forward to stretching our legs.

The apartment that Uncle Richard is building is still being built, with no real set date for completion. In the meantime, Nate and I decided to give his parents back their great room. It will be better for everyone - I know that Rick misses his awesome TV that we've been enjoying for the last (wait for it) nine months.

Our friends Dave and Tiffani (Dave is the guy I've mentioned before who introduced Nate and I, not once but twice, and they owned this house) have a separate residence on their property and we'll be moving in the second weekend of September.

As we lead up to that, I'm praying that this move is like any other move under the sun, and nothing whatsoever like the last move we made, which took about a month and a half to complete. It was absolutely ridiculous and terribly difficult on Nate. We need this transition to go smoothly and quickly. I have to work both days we're moving (don't judge, we can't go without my paycheck), but I'll be home by about 11:30a.m. - it's obviously not ideal, but we're going to make it work. If you're up for it, we won't say no to help with the move.

Our little family of four will be house-sitting for Uncle Richard from August 27-September 13 (a Saturday to a Tuesday). Each day we're house-sitting, the girls and I will return to the great room to pack. The girls will be able to play and nap like usual, but I'll be working like a mad woman to pack everything up. Since we're not even staying here at the time, we'll have what we need most immediately with us, which gives me the ability to pack literally everything in the great room.

So I'll spend the first two weeks of house-sitting packing. (I'm not packing before we leave for house-sitting because there is absolutely nowhere to put any boxes. Our space is too small, the garage is Rick's shop.) And then we'll move September 10-11, and I'll spend the next couple days setting up our house before we have to actually take residence. I'm super super excited. Here are some pictures:

The Garage:
The garage is huge. So big, in fact, that we'll be letting go of our storage unit. We'll move most of our stuff into our house (yippee!), but the stuff we don't want in there will be easily stored in the ginormous garage. Where you see Nate and Dave standing is the doorway to the outside. It lets into a "mudroom" of sorts. My car will pull in right next to them. There is enough room where they're standing for both the front and back passenger doors to open fully.

This is at the head of where my car is going to be parked. That space next to the water heater is a good amount of room - I'll be storing the girls' clothes and necessities in this nook. Along the wall to the left of all the equipment, we'll place the fridge that is currently in the apartment (replacing it with ours) and our chest freezer. I am stoked for the extra cold storage.

Nate's business stuff will sit to the right of my car (from this perspective). It will take up the front half of the garage, while our household storage stuff will take up the back half. Hopefully less...

This is the half-bath off the "mudroom."

The open door leads out to the mudroom and then outside. Nate and Dave are standing in more of our living room. The kitchen is to the right, I'm standing in the dining nook, Nate is standing where the coffee chair will go with a lamp, and Dave is standing in front of where the couch will be.

I think the TV will be in the corner behind Dave, or under the stairs. We'll stick a chest in whichever space the TV isn't using, and that will hold the girls' toys. We have some other random furniture we'll fit in the living room space also.

The apartment has an interesting history. Dave's mom is a chef, so when they decided to build a garage for their property, they decided to use half of it as an industrial kitchen, thus the brightly tiled floor and stainless steel backsplash. The upstairs they built into an apartment for their second daughter, her husband, and their four girls. When the kitchen was removed, the SIL cut a hole in the floor and built these stairs to lead down to the abandoned kitchen. Everything upstairs shifted around so that the kitchen moved downstairs, along with their living space.

This is what I lovingly refer to as the kitchen "nook." I love nooks. They can make a space so cozy and friendly. I'm not sure what I'll finally end up doing in this space, but I'm imagining our dining room table slid back into that corner between the fridge and window, with our blue loveseat underneath the window and some sort of shelf to the right of that. Don't you fret - it'll look lovely. And you'll agree with me in the end that nooks are the best.

These stairs are solidly built, but narrow. I imagined all sorts of accidents when I first saw them, but Dave assured me that in all the years people have been going up and down them, no one has ever been hurt. They have such a tight curve to them that you might fall a step or two, maximum, before coming nose to nose with the spindles.

Upstairs looking down.

This is the upstairs landing. Look, it's another nook! I'll do something cozy here, too. The door frame you're seeing is where I'll put the first baby gate. I'll use it to block the stairs when we're upstairs doing stuff but I want the girls to have access to the playroom, which is to the right (of the light switch).

Playroom. It's doorless, so it can't be an office for Nate - he'd hear absolutely everything going on downstairs. Noise carries super well up those stairs.

This is the view looking from the window back to where I was just standing. The stairs are to the right; that doorway on the left leads down the hall to the bedrooms, laundry space, and bathroom. That door frame is where I'll put the second baby gate, which I'll use when I'm downstairs and I want to allow the girls in the playroom but not down the hall.

View from the playroom. With music lessons in their music room, students come and go regularly. I'll have to park in the garage and Nate will park in front of his trailer farther down the levels of parking (out of sight in this picture).

Looking from the top of the stairs down the hall and all the way to our room.

I walked down the hall and turned around to show you the doorway that leads toward the stairs. The girls room is just to the left of that door frame, and the bathroom is to the left of the girls. The curtain on the far left edge of the picture is where the laundry machines will be.

The itsy bitsy room for the girls.

No closet to speak of, because I don't call that metal organizer a closet.

Space for the washer and dryer.

This is a shelving space next to the laundry. We have very little designated storage space, so I'm working hard to plan ahead to figure out how to make what little there is work for us.

Opposite the laundry is this strange alcoved area. I think I'll be using my wooden shelves (currently serving as my pantry) to make more room to store stuff in this space. It's pretty long, you just can't tell from this picture. We need room to store towels and bathroom stockpile items. Plus the girls have no space for their dressers, so some of the alcove will be dedicated to that.

This is looking into our bedroom. That is what used to be the front door to the apartment, before everything was switched around after the industrial kitchen was removed.

I walked to the right of the door and turned to take this picture of where our bed will go.

And then I walked to the left of the door and turned around to take this picture. Another nook! That will be Nate's office space. The closet is between his nook and the door to the hall. The nook isn't huge, but it's a better space than Nate's current office. He can mount more shelves to the wall to organize, and he has plenty of room for his cabinets, desk, and computer. He's stoked.

Our one closet. In the whole house. It will hold the hanging clothes for the girls and then all my stuff and Nate's stuff, along with the vacuum cleaner and all my Mary Kay goodies.

I turned around in the closet and took this picture. Guess what - ANOTHER NOOK! I plan on putting my desk there.

This is the deck that leads down from our room. I told Nate that he can come and go during the day without the girls ever really needing to know. That's been something that's tough on his daytime hours. When he comes home to work, they obviously know he's here, and they obviously want some of his time. It affects his schedule, so I think this separate entrance will be good for him. But he loves the girls too much to take it too seriously - heck, he just got home from work a second ago and went in to wake them up to say good night. He misses them when he's gone.

You can see some faint green lines in the grass by that closest white out-building. That's where Nate will park.

The door on the left is the half-bath; the door straight ahead leads into our apartment; the door on the right leads outside. It's a little odd, but the door outside leads into our garage, rather than the apartment, so hearing people at the door might prove interesting.

I'm not entirely sure why this picture popped up all the way down here...But oh the work it would take to move it up. Not gonna do it. This is the kitchen. Not a great picture, but it gives you the idea. There's space under those corner shelves to install a counter-height narrow table. I want to use it for my computer and additional counter space. It would be awesome. I'll have to figure out how to accomplish that, especially since I'm kind of counting on it right now. As you can see, I need the additional work space. We're planning to put our kitchen nook table in the center of the kitchen. We're going to raise it up as best we can so it is more counter height also; I'll clip the girls' hookon chairs to the table and they'll be stuck there as long as I want them to be - bahahahah.

What am I looking forward to most you ask? Well, let's see:
1. My bedroom will become a sacred space. I'm soo tired of my bed being what gets climbed on and trashed more than any other item in our great room, including toys.
2. A kitchen of my own! Oh the wonderful things I will accomplish with a stove and dishwasher at my constant disposal!
3. A separate and defined space for absolutely everything. We're all melded together right now. I'm over it.
4. I get the best parking spot! I go from the worst to the best and I'm not ashamed to admit how thrilled I am about this small thing.
5. Do I need more? Really? Grass for Hazel to run in, which is safe and car free.
6. Their own room. Hazel will transfer to a big girl bed and Piper will take over her safe crib (versus the illegal drop-side one she's in now).
7. Hazel will potty train.

Yippee! There's more but I'm being called on by my husband to work with him on our budget. Oy.

UPDATE

2011-07-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

Piper Sue slept with Nate and I on Monday night when we returned home from the ER. She did well that night. She ate an eight-ounce bottle for breakfast the next morning and followed that with a decent nap. Around 12:30p.m., Nate and I were watching her play on the floor on her belly when she began to vomit again. Nate whipped her up and slung her over his arm and pounded on her back again. It helped her get up what she needed to, and then, once no more was coming up, she spit out a hard, uh, thing about the size of a dime.

We're not sure what it is she spit up, but the pediatrician's best guess is that it was a scab from inside her belly. The doctor thinks that she somehow had a small bleed in her belly, which healed over with a scab resulting. My thought has been that she upchucked it when her belly worked super hard heaving - it came lose and up it came. I do not think that the lose scab trying to come up had anything to do with her initial vomiting episode.

Her belly is sensitive right now. We don't know why but it's easy to assume it has everything to do with just being sick over the last month. I think about when I've had high fevers. Do I turn around and eat a pizza once my fever is broken? Heck no. I kind of liken the oatmeal and bottle she had for lunch on Monday (pre-throwing up) to a big pizza - just not what she needed. Her pediatrician has us feeding Piper her bottle in 2-3oz. increments over about an hour, so she eats 9-12oz. over an hour, sometimes an hour and a half. That's been an interesting change for docile Piper. She gets pretty ticked at and feels betrayed by her bottle when it's empty after only 60 seconds of eating.

Her stool sample that we gave last Thursday just today yielded half of the results that we're waiting on. So far everything is negative. We're going to give a urine sample today (third try is a charm...or here's hoping anyway) - I'm so tired of the pediatrician's office!

Piper Sue is sleeping with us every night, which is such a mixed blessing. Our bed is fine for the two of us, but add an almost-one-year-old and it gets tight. She's a hot sleeper, too, so I'll wake up with a sweaty Piper ball on my neck and I have to move her back to the middle without waking her up. It's fun. And tricky.

Thanks for your prayers. I'm so glad to be able to say she's doing well. God has been good. God is good. God will continue to be good. I don't know what that will look like the rest of today, tomorrow, or even next week, but I'm confident in His goodness.

Super scary experience I never want to repeat.

2011-07-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon we had been back at Rick and Karen's for just shy of 24 hours. We housesat my parents' place for a week and returned home this last Sunday afternoon. Nate worked at Peet's Coffee on bids during the morning on Monday and then he came home when Hazel went down for her nap around 1:15p.m.

Piper woke up from her morning nap at about the time Hazel went down for hers. Piper has been dealing with some sicky stuff for about a month now, but she showed some signs of her old personality coming back when we returned home on Sunday afternoon and I showed her her bed. She got super squirmy and smiley and giggly when it was bedtime. On Monday morning, after her first bottle, she was talking and laughing up a storm, army crawling everywhere. I could tell she was overjoyed to be home again.

Because of the two fevers Piper had during the last month (the last one hitting 104.7 this past Wednesday evening), we haven't been feeding her anything beyond her bottles. She's been on a very liquid diet to help her cope with her fever and general feeling of ick.

She was behaving so much better yesterday that I decided to feed her a bottle in the morning and then some oatmeal with half a bottle (4oz.) for lunch. She ate and then played for about two hours before heading down for her afternoon nap at 3:30p.m.

I worked on dishes for a few minutes around 5p.m., so I was heading down the stairs to the basement with two arms full of precariously balanced dishes when I caught Nate heading into Piper's bathroom, where she naps. I whispered, "She's asleep." He nodded, gave me an odd look, and walked into the bathroom anyway. One second later he shouted, "ROBIN." I fell down the last couple steps and threw aside what I was holding when he came out of the bathroom, holding Piper in front of him, and I saw the look in her eyes. She had gone super pale (and we all know how white she is to begin with). Her lips where white. Her eyes were open but practically lifeless. She wasn't breathing and she had vomit from her forehead to her knees.

Nate got down on his knees and threw her on her stomach over his forearm. We started beating the crap out of her back, trying to open up her airway. She didn't make much sound. We paused for a moment and Nate tried to gauge if she was breathing. She wasn't. We began pounding again. I raced for the phone and called 911. Nate got her going a little, but her lips were still white. Her eyes were moving and she was looking at us a little so he took her into the kitchen and sat her on the counter. She looked horrible. I got the 911 dispatcher on the phone and she told me to lay Piper down on her left side. We did. She began gagging and then stopped breathing. Again.

The 911 dispatcher asked a bunch of questions and then told us what to do for Piper as the ambulance was on it's way. Nate put her back over his forearm and kept hitting her between the shoulder blades. She got some junk up but it was clear and there wasn't much of it. It felt like forever but the ambulance finally showed up, after the dispatcher freaked me out by double-checking with me our address followed by an, "Ohhhh..." because her computer showed the had arrived (which they hadn't). It took another minute but they finally showed up, along with a firehouse paramedic.

They followed me inside to Piper. They took her blood pressure and observed her and said that we could either take her to the hospital, or they could, or we could just watch her at home for awhile after they left. And then she stopped breathing again. They looked at us and said, "Let's get in the ambulance and go to Emmanuel. Can you grab a change of clothes for her?"

It took me four trips up and down the stairs but finally I had what I needed and she and I got in the ambulance. Meanwhile, Rick kept sleeping through all of our shouting and screaming and the sirens. Hazel heard everything but I didn't have time to check on her before I left with Piper. Nate stayed behind to get her up and going so that he could follow us to the hospital.

She choked two more times in the ambulance. They suctioned her throat and mouth as we were driving. If Nate and I had decided to save the cost of the ambulance and take her ourselves, I don't know what we would have done on the freeway as she was choking. I just don't know.

When we checked in at the hospital, the staff was waiting for us. They got us into a peds ER room quickly and took a look at her. They checked all the general, normal stuff and then ordered some x-rays of her throat down to her belly. She looked clear. We sat in another room for awhile with her, having her drink some pedialyte and formula, watching for any further signs of vomiting and choking.

In the end, they told us she has very likely had a sensitive belly from being sick (or something new) and the oatmeal was a bit much a bit too soon. She probably woke up from her nap and threw up with such force she couldn't catch her breath. She tried to take in some air and instead inhaled her vomit. She then choked on it. Nate heard her choke on the baby monitor and didn't know what it was. He heard the noise followed by nothing - it was the nothing that really got is attention. I didn't have the monitor upstairs.

If Nate hadn't been home at that time, I can only imagine what could have happened. A dear friend told me last night that I'm not the only one watching out for Piper Sue - God has a close eye on her. He ordained everything about yesterday, especially the fact that Nate was home working, and the fact that he was sensitive to Piper's sounds and her needs, and he was also sensitive to the small voice in his head that said, "Not okay." Nate saved Piper's life.

Piper slept with Nate and I last night, which was so special in so many ways. She's such a snuggler. When she had her high fever last week, I'd snuggle her for awhile and she'd suck her thumb and stroke my arm or my hair or my face or my hand...She did the same last night as she slept. I woke up this morning to her crawling all over me and laughing. What a nice thing to wake up to!

Today she's doing better. We're headed back to the pediatrician's office this afternoon to follow up on several things: They took a stool sample from Piper last week when we visited them for her high fever, so we'll talk about that and the ER visit.

Pray for our girl if you could, please. She needs to get over whatever these things are that are colliding right now and making her not feel well. My Pumpkin Pie needs some special protection right now.

I should totally be doing something else right now.

2011-06-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

Ivy Lou turned five just a little while ago. Someone had the genius idea to head to the zoo! We heard reports of some crazy weather, something like, "It will rain four inches before 6p.m. this evening." We laughed and, with all sorts of enthusiasm and denial, loaded into our cars and met up at the zoo. The girls and I rode with Mom in her truck, and Rae Ann had her kiddos in the Element. It was strange to merge onto 26-W and see Rae Ann whipping past from 405-S onto 26-W at exactly the same time as us. I marvel at the small things. Gosh, that was a totally boring story. Anyway. On to pictures.

Piper constantly wanted to hang upside down, and she totally pegged Henta as the one to give her what she wanted.

In the next set of pictures, well, you'll see for yourself. No one really looks their best. But it had stopped raining! The sun was out and it was gorgeous outside, the perfect zoo day.

Such big girls. I can't believe how old Ivy and Stella are now. It blows my mind. I remember very clearly my first meeting with both of them on their birth-days. Those memories feel like yesterday. But here the girls are, five- and six-years-old.

This is our really awesome family portrait, minus the guys. Yes, Rae Ann is flashing the camera. And I love Piper's little forehead showing in the stroller. No idea why Mom's nose is so cold.

Ivy was super annoyed any time I took a picture that involved her. She'd get ticked. Rae Ann gave her a little talk, and at the next picture opportunity (aka this one), she stuck it out, but this was the look I got. She kills me.

At the rain's end and the sun's beginning, all the animals came out of hiding. They were romping and playing and calling to each other. It was so fun, and a very memorable zoo experience - usually it's weirdly quiet among the animals.

We had a blast! It was such a nice trip, and a wonderful way to celebrate Ivy's birthday. She is such a character...I love that little girl.

Nate's aunt and uncle left town for a little while and asked if we'd like to stay in their house while they were away. I immediately said no, while Nate immediately said yes. All I could think about was all the food prepping, clothes packing, and general upheaval moving my family of four for a week would require.

So I was wrong. Christie (Nate's aunt) explained what her invitation included; I changed my mind and said heck yes. We took a little staycation. It was marvelous!

Miss Hazel B. as we packed.

The girls stayed in a room on the second floor that had it's own bathroom. Good thing, too - the first morning in the house, I discovered that Piper had pooped through her jammies and Hazel had found access to her poop...and so she had played with it. Straight into the tub they went. This is Piper's most winning smile, a smile that says, "Mom, what a long morning so far. Now where's my food..."

Hazel was absolutely delighted to sit at a real table. Any time we'd talk about food, she'd start jumping up and down, shouting, "We can eat TOGETHER!"

I spent all my time in this kitchen. Gorgeous. Perfection. I baked my way through a week of staycation.

My old friend Lindsay visited us one morning - she discovered that Christie is the proud owner of a Vitamix. I had no idea what she was talking about. And then Lindsay pulled out the recipe book. Oh hello. It's what began my baking frenzy.

I baked to my heart's content. Most of the loaves and muffins I froze - easy 4a.m breakfast when I have to work. Easy snacks for Hazel. Speaking of Hazel, she was amazed at the space of the main level. She ran from room to room screaming her heart out every day. We did all sorts of nutsy things that we can't really get away with at home. I baked. Hazel screamed. Constantly. We're pretty easy to please.

We were so grateful to Nate's family, who enabled us to stretch our legs for a few days. It reminded me how much I like to cook, and how easy it is to keep up on dishes when the washer is right there rather than a hike away with 40 pounds of dishes to carry. Our last day at the house, I baked three dinners. I was determined to not do anything except adjust when we returned home.

Hazel really did lose her center during that trip. She forgot all sorts of rules/boundaries. Coming home has been rough. Ten days later and we're still struggling to adjust completely. Our staycation just made me so much more excited to have our own space. I will cry and cry (what's new) when that day finally comes. As for right now, I have no updates on the progress of things. I'm as in the dark as you...I wish that wasn't the case!

Talk about overload. I'm making up for lost time.

2011-05-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

I found the camera!

I'm doing a jig, but you can't see it, not because you really can't, quite literally, but because I would never dance for you. I have more self-respect than to do that.

I've been snapping away - Miss Hazel is quite tired of it. When I whip out the camera, she whips out my phone and shouts at me to open wide because she's going to take a smile. Don't ask, I have no idea.

But here are my babies. They kill me.

Piper makes this funny face more and more lately. Usually I see it when she's playing games with a toy and she's winning.

Piper is shaking her head, which she does when she's super happy about, well, anything.

Cheeseball.

My woebegone homeless child. At least I take her to the park sometimes.

This is Piper. She is mad.

And now she's flat out ticked with me. I forced her on her knees.

And this is Piper again. Falling.

Once I stopped laughing and pulled her out of her toy basket,

she became a much happier child.

We're lugging away through life right now. Nothing huge to report. Nate is increasingly busy with work, which is such a blessing! I tell you what, though - come 10:15p.m. I miss my man. He's been working two jobs a day (and that doesn't count his "office" time in the mornings), so, for example, I saw him for twenty minutes the other night. We're just so glad that he's keeping a solid schedule that I really can't complain much.

Starbucks is an ongoing blessing. I'm grateful for the work, but weekends are getting tougher and tougher. I hand the girls over to Karen on Friday afternoons and then I don't see them again until Saturday night. I help put them to bed and then Nate has them on Sunday until I get home in the evening. It is rough. This work is for a season, so I rest in that (although I have no idea how long that season will last for).

Hazel is 2.5 years old now, which blows my mind. She says the funniest things. I need to start writing them down or something because I can't keep up. Piper is 9.5 months old. I think I'm going to request ESD to evaluate her (they were the in-home therapists who aided Hazel through her torticollis tightness). Piper doesn't have any concerns like torticollis, but she's really taking her time with learning new skills. She's such a liar, though - she works so hard to convince me during play time that she doesn't know how to get up on her knees, and she works even harder to convince me that she doesn't like being on her knees (just reference the pictures above for a reminder). And then when I check on her during the night, what's she doing? She's sleeping with her knees tucked up underneath her belly. She caterpillared her way all over her bed last night.

We're still in the basement. I don't know when a change to this living situation will come, but this is where we are right now and I mean that in every respect. Do you know what I mean? We are present, not dwelling in what could be or "should" be. We're happy. We're blessed, we're grateful. We have love in our lives, from all sides, and we couldn't be luckier.

Oh boy.

2011-05-04T14:48:00.000-07:00

I waged war on Piper with broccoli today. Except that I didn't know it would be war. And I didn't realize the wiliness of my opponent.

First, Piper tried feinting. Once she understood that I don't give up at the first sight of gagging, she began straight forward avoidance. As soon as she saw how much bigger my hands are than hers put together, she began to accept the broccoli. Or so I thought.

She adjusted her strategy and began to act as though broccoli was no big deal. She let me spoon it into her mouth and then would use her fist to cover the fact that she was letting it fall right out again. Hmm, she's smarter than I gave her credit for.

Who won this battle? I don't know. I got every spoonful of food into her mouth, but I can't quite tell how much actually stayed there. Does she automatically win because of her good attitude and creativity? I'm the ref so I say no, her big eyes won't make me give up my agenda: My 9-month-old baby will eat broccoli. And she'll like it.

EIGHT YEARS

2011-03-22T16:57:00.000-07:00

That's how long Nate and I have been together as of today.

A mutual friend introduced us not once but twice. It didn't take when I was 15, but it sure did when I was 20! I was attending Ecola Bible School at the time, over in Cannon Beach, Oregon. It was March 2003 and I was facing the tail-end of my year at the beach.

This man came to meet me in Pioneer Square (downtown Portland). Our eyes connected and I had this deep, deep feeling that something remarkable was about to happen. Did I throw my hands up in exasperation at the "terrible" timing? Why, yes I did. Did I try to discourage him with every means known to woman? Yes. Yes I did. He laughed at my distasteful clothing and obvious side-stepping when he'd go in for a hug. He persisted. He pursued. All the way to Canada and back.

We were married in July 2005, on the twenty-second (his favorite number and exactly six months after his birthday, so he'd never ever have an excuse for forgetting our anniversary).

This is the first place we lived, located in Tigard. Our apartment was on the second level. It was a wonderful first home (although I'm still convinced that the guy who lived above us had an uncanny sense of my movements - when I'd move from the living room to our bedroom, he would too, and I knew this because I could hear him walking around).

We moved from the apartment to this huge house. It was so so big for the two of us, so we added a cat.

In July 2007 we found out that we were pregnant. And then we celebrated our two year anniversary with a trip to California!

In September this happened.

And then we began to heal. Nathaniel's loss brought a huge change in our relationship. We connected in a deep way, like never before.

The following St. Patrick's Day...pregnant again! On November 22nd (we have a date-theme) we added this little person to our family.

Shortly after having Hazel Elaine, we moved here.

Hazel blossomed and grew. At five months she was a chunky monkey.

Just after she turned one, we found out we were pregnant with another little girl.

Nate worked and worked and worked on the house while I nested. It ended up looking like this after he painted the outside. And boy was he committed to making that old house glow! It was beautiful by the time he pronounced it done.

Piper Sue joined our family in August 2010. Hazel was 20.5 months old at the time.

Each time we've had a baby, Nate has blown me away with his tenderness and ingrained, instinctual fatherhood. He's amazing with our girls. Hazel talks about him all throughout every day: Where is Daddy? He's at work? When's he coming home? Will he read a book with me?

As my husband...I don't even know where to begin. He walked into Starbucks today to exchange keys with me and, when I saw him coming, my heart skipped a beat. He takes my breath away. He is kind, thoughtful, selfless, dedicated, consistent, encouraging, steady, and so good looking. You can't have him. He's mine.

After Piper's birth, we moved here. (What is it with having a brand new baby and then deciding to move? I'm over it!) The two hidden windows on the bottom left of the house belong to our great room.

I still love this picture of Piper. She's seven and a half months old now, but she looks pretty much the same. The stinker is refusing to grow even a smidge, although she does have two teeth now!

I turned 28 this last December, and Nate turned 31 in January. I love him. I love him. I love him. I am the most blessed woman in the entire world. God blessed me with this incredible man, allowing me to share a life together with him.

Eight years together already. Where has the time gone? Nate, I love you. You are the right man for me, and I am so lucky to have you in my life!

Piper's Dedication

2011-03-17T21:49:00.000-07:00

We had Piper dedicated at church this past Sunday, March 13th. It was a special, special day for us. Nathaniel was due on March 13, 2008. Since his passing, March has held a special place in my heart. We found out we were pregnant with Hazel on St. Patrick's Day 2008. She was dedicated the following March (she was just shy of 4 months at the time). Piper was dedicated on Nathaniel's missed due date. It was such a wonderful blessing!

Dad took the video posted way down below for us, so a huge thanks goes to him, otherwise we wouldn't have any picture documentation of the event. (Where the crap is my camera? Seriously. I've cleaned this great room through and through, several times over, and I have yet to find it. Or my Danskos. And that just makes me even more mad. I can't talk about it anymore.)

Following the service, friends and family joined us at Macaroni Grill at Bridgeport. We had such a fun time chatting with loved ones! Piper melted down (she'd missed two naps by this point), and Karen was so kind - she walked her around and around the restaurant until Piper Sue fell asleep on her shoulder. Grandmas are the best. Seriously.

We raced home after lunch to drop the girls off with Rick and Karen. (Again, grandparents rock.) Nate and I grabbed coats, boots, and umbrellas and fairly flew to the renovation show going on in Portland. Well, we didn't really fly. Nate has much more respect for the law than I do (when it comes to speed limits, that is), so he drove. We got there with half an hour left of the show. We were given tickets to get in, so it was extra fun, being free and all.

We got through it in 30 minutes. Not because we had to but because there wasn't anything there that actually interested us. It should be retitled "The Portland Hot Tub/Jacuzzi/Roofing/Welded Art/Mary Kay/Wine/Window Treatment Show." I think that suits what we saw very well.

After the show, Nate and I took a quick jaunt into downtown and saw my Starbucks manager's new store (11th and Couch). We swung over to Pioneer Square and tried the Clover version of Kona coffee at the Starbucks there. I wish I'd tried something like Pike's Place, so that I could have really tasted the difference in flavor. Ah well. It'll only take me two years to get Nate over there again.

After we had our coffee, Nate had the brilliant idea that we go to Academy Theater for a cheap movie. He called his mom and she said that was just fine. We saw "The Fighter," which I'd been avoiding watching. I'm not a huge fan of movies that deal with drug addiction and I can barely stomach boxing. Such a good combination for two actors I love. (Sarcasm galore right then.) Nate thought that when he suggested the movie he was a super cool husband: He wanted to see the movie but he was also willing to sacrifice my attention since I'm usually insanely distracted when Christian Bale is within sight.

I hurt Nate's hand watching the movie. I really enjoyed it when all is said and done, and only because it had a good ending. I love that they had a clip of the actual brothers interacting during the closing credits. Christian Bail nailed it. He played his role in perfect imitation of the real life guy. Amazing.

Back to my kid.

Piper's bum is finally healing. Wait, have I even mentioned this? (I'll answer that: No, because I'm a terrible blogger when it comes to consistency.)

She began teething, eating solids, and trying out a new diaper all on the same day. By the next afternoon, she had this ripping diaper rash. I broke out the big guns right away, my Bag Balm and Triple Paste. After using that for a week solid, I called the pediatrician's office because the rash was getting worse. It was developing into open sores that were oozing, and a rough patch that began within the bounds of her diaper started spreading outward, toward her thighs.

It was suggested that I try using Lotrimin AF for another few days to see if that would clear it up (and it would have if it had been a yeast infection). It slowed down the rash a little bit, but didn't put a stop to it. Things continued to slide steadily downhill.

I took her in to see Dr. Mooney a couple days later. The good doc took a swab of icky from one of the sores and then prescribed a topical antibiotic and extra strong hydrocortisone. I've been switching between the two with every diaper change since last Thursday and things are looking up! Her bum is greatly improved and she's no longer uncomfortable. We still have a little ways to go yet, but I'm hopeful. The lab returned a positive on a topical bacterial staff infection. And that's all I know. I have no idea where she got it, how she got it, what I did wrong, etcetera. I need to get ahold of Dr. Mooney to hear back on those finer details. For now, the topical creams are cleaning up the infection, so we're on the right path. We're not going to use an oral antibiotic unless things hit a stand-still.

Okay, Nate is drumming his fingers. Waiting for me to be finished with this blog so that we can relax before bedtime.

So enjoy the video!

I am so in love with my sweet little girl!

I mark the passage of time by my shampoo bottle.

2011-03-08T16:45:00.000-08:00

I've known this about myself for quite some time, but it's a little, uh, risky to tell everyone the truth.

I remember looking at the shampoo bottle when I was pregnant with Piper and thinking to myself, "Huh. She'll be here before I finish this bottle of shampoo." My next thought was wondering what would happen during the "life" of the next bottle of shampoo.

Little did I know that we'd be moving. Into a basement.

I caught myself thinking along the same lines today. I just started another bottle about a week ago and I found myself wondering this afternoon if we'd been in the new house by the time I have to switch out bottles.

I won't risk our friendship by telling you more of my secrets.

I feel like I'm going backward.

2011-03-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

With these last three posts, I feel totally out of order in everything. I should have thought harder and put them up with some sort of timeline awareness.

Rae Ann moved into her little house this last Fall (after visiting Nathaniel's gravesite but before out-of-town family came for a visit). These are pictures from when Mom, the girls, and I visited her LittleTinyComfortableEmbracing home!

Her little house is on the corner of two little residential streets, and across the road from a sizable park.

Mom drove the girls and I in her truck to pick up a bunch of boxes that Rae Ann had just emptied. My packing adventure was just beginning so I put her, what, already very used, cross-country traveling boxes back to use.

I know I haven't posted any pictures of our house after the big paint job, but this is as good as you'll get. For some reason, all the pictures I took of the finished paint job have vanished into the recesses of Nate's computer. I can't find them to save my life. It sure looks good, though, huh? Just go here if you need a reminder of what it looked like once not too long ago.

I love this shot of Hazel. She stood in the front door and watched Tutu drive away after we unloaded all the boxes I had picked up at Rae Ann's house.

And here are the boxes. I thought, "Well, that's enough." Not so. I started back at Starbucks within a month of picking up these boxes from Rae Ann. Every time we had a large order delivered, I would snag as many boxes as could fit in my car broken down. Oh, and Leslie's mom brought a bunch from her work. I get laughed at still for my adult diaper boxes from Laura...Pretty much everyone who sees them want to sneak a peek inside to see what's in the box.

And this was the start to my pile. Pretty soon filled boxes covered the blue couch and took over the dining room.

Hazel found a blue bunny in box of toys I had packed up. She was thrilled. She never looked at it twice when it was in her play room, but suddenly it became "off limits" and so, by default, it was the best toy in the house.

Hazel wanted in the kitchen. For what specifically, I'm not sure, but probably just to wreck some havoc. I miss my kitchen. I miss my house. And I'm sure you're tired of hearing that.

Piper in her swing! I have fond memories of sticking her in the swing while I watched Dr. Quinn episodes back-to-back-to-back. I loved relaxing in the playroom, picking up all the toys and sitting down with my lunch while Hazel napped. As cold as that room could get with the huge windows, I always loved the view, and I could hold the cold at bay with a fire in the fireplace. It was such a cozy room.

Okay, so that gives you a view of another day in our lives, something that happened back in early October. What a beautiful month that was! I miss the Fall and now I'm definitely looking forward to Spring (skip Summer) and then Fall again! Where will we be in just a few months? Still here probably, in Nate's parents' basement, but I'm praying for another move. Can you believe it? I'm pretty crazy to wish for a move.

September 28, 2010

2011-03-04T11:13:00.000-08:00

It's interesting me that we passed by the 28th of September again. Three years. We made our family visit to Nathaniel's gravesite, but Hazel fell asleep in her carseat. It was a tough few days, with unexpected bouts of emotion that had a tendency to spring without much intro.

I didn't take our usual picture of the gravestone. How many times does it change once it's laid in the ground? The grass might be different but that's it.

I did take pictures of the family, though. Is it weird to say we celebrated our life as a family as we visited Nathaniel at his gravesite? Piper was pretty new to our little unit and we felt so blessed by her health and very presence in our lives.

Whenever we visit the cemetery, we think back on our birth experiences and what each has meant to us/how it has impacted our lives and our marriage. Nathaniel's sucked but it has an incredible, God-given glow around it when I think about it; Hazel's just sucked and following it I had two bad birth experiences I had to grieve through before Piper was born. Piper's delivery was very planned, but that didn't cut the anxiety I experienced over the unknown.

When we returned from the hospital following Nathaniel's birth, we were covered in love. I'll never, ever forget that. We were enveloped in love from so many friends and family who rallied around us. Meals were delivered, flowers were sent, out-of-town family flew in or drove to be with us for the funeral. Nate and I were cocooned in our home, swimming in cards of sympathy, humor, and love. I've just used the word "love" an incredible number of times in a very short paragraph, but that's definitely the defining emotion attached to our hilltop experience with Nathaniel's death and birth.

And then I became pregnant with Hazel a few months later. I was put on bedrest at 27 weeks. Again family and friends rallied. We were covered in prayer and Hazel was delivered a day after her due date via c-section after a ridiculous labor. I felt like a failure twice over.

But here she is! My healthy, happy kiddo! As Piper's delivery crept closer and closer I realized I had to seriously deal with some of my wayward thinking regarding my previous two deliveries.

By the time Piper made her appearance (planned as it was), I had recovered my focus and right-thinking. And I knew it. All along I knew it: When we found out we were pregnant with her, we were just entering the most difficult period of our lives. I had this sneaking suspicion that by the time I finally had her, God would be doing something very different in our lives.

That's part of the reason why I picked her name. Piper refers to piping, and that made me think of music and celebration and worshiping and thanking God for...well, everything. And I feel so right about that. I feel like so much has changed since Piper's birth. I feel like some sort of corner has been turned. Not that we're clear of the woods quite yet, but I feel like God is so clear in front of me. He has this incredible plan and I have the privilege of seeing it unfolding right before my very eyes. Maybe His gift (couple with a health Piper being born) was to bring some clarity to my eyes. I feel as though I can see so much more when I examine my surroundings.

My kids are all gifts. They blow my mind. It's mind-blowing how much the girls have changed since these pictures were taken. I felt as though it took for.ev.er for Hazel to hit six months, but time is flying with Piper Sue.

So this last year, as we revisited our experience with Nathaniel, Nate and I couldn't help but feel lucky. And so very blessed.

October 2010

2011-03-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

This video is from early October, making Piper about two months old. I have a little song I sing to her and she started responding to it very, very early on. Hazel passes through the video on her way toward bed. She's saying good-night to everyone in the house.

Karen's brother Keith was visiting Oregon with his wife, Georgia, and son, Nick. They're from Kentucky and it's been several years since we last saw them. We were over pretty much every night they were in town - it was so good to see them again! To top it off, Grandma and Grandpa Moser came up from California. Rick and Karen had a very full house for awhile. (I should point out that we hadn't moved in yet. We hadn't even talked about it at this point.)

I have a few pictures from one of our family dinners.

We have no idea when we'll have the opportunity to see those guys again. It's a long trip from Kentucky! Hazel still remembers their names, though. She often brings up Uncle Keef, Aunt Georgia, and Nick, along with Gweat-Gwahma and Gweat-Gwahmpa Mosher.

I'm playing a little blogging catch-up! Hope you don't mind.

It's been awhile, I know.

2011-02-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

Some months ago I wrote a blog post about our move and the previous year. Nate read it before I posted it and we agreed that it was a bit on the personal side. Since then I've felt this huge wall of what I can't say and it's impeded any other blog posts I've felt inclined to write. I thought I might as well admit that (that's a blog post in and of itself, yes?). I wrote the other post and I felt a lightening just getting some of those thoughts down in writing. It dealt with:

Love
Loss
Dependency
Utter humiliation
Provision
Faith
Togetherness
Relationships
Sorrow
Family
God
Changes

You know what I mean.

Someday, with more distance between last year and the present, I might be able to post what I wrote. I just wanted so much to share how clearly I've seen God over the last year and then some. Through very specific situations, He made Himself loud and clear. I'm so grateful to Him, and humbled by His presence in our lives.

I look forward to the day I can share some stories from the last year. They make me cry and they bring me joy to share. It's all still sort of surreal to me.

Moving on.

Hazel is 27 months now and has grown in incredible ways! For some reason, I really mark her development from Piper's birth and on. She has changed so much. She's talking up a storm now, and making sense 95% of the time. She is such a joy to be around. Enough gushing.

But wait, I have one more kid.

Where have the last 6.5 months gone? Seriously, I'm befuddled! Piper is sitting up assisted; she started eating solids last night (acorn squash) and lovedlovedloved it; she is thrilled to spend time in her Johnny-Jump-Up; she's so petite she can still fit into her 3-month clothing; her eyes are still blue but her hair and eyelashes are finally darkening; she has the same funky nail beds as Hazel does (toes, not fingers). She is so opinionated and she came with her whine-meter primed. I'm in love.

Nate is keeping busy, which is such a gift. He's taken a couple cold weather/snow days over the last week since he's working primarily outdoors right now.

The property we're moving to needs an update:

The "big house" (as I can't seem to resist calling it) is almost finished. They had a final inspection on Wednesday. I'm not sure of the results of that inspection, though - I saw the house on Monday and it's gorgeous. It has some wonderful details in it that make it so fun!

Now that the big house is almost done, the next step is to finish the 800-square-foot apartment so that the family who lives on the property in the mobile home can move in (and the mobile home can be removed, per the instructions on the building permits). They have 90 days to finish building that apartment. Nate will be working on it, at least painting. He talked with Uncle Richard and I think he's (Nate, that is) will work as much as he can on our apartment at the same time. They won't be finished simultaneously (too much money out of pocket at once, I think), but Nate's hoping to do as much as he can in the quickest possible way. He's such a handyman that it's likely he'll carry the apartment through to completion. Richard will have to get other contractors in to do certain things (like the electrical work, cabinetry, plumbing, etc.) but whatever Nate does will count against our rent for some time. He'll be a continued presence on the property while the 800-sq-ft apartment is being finished and I hope that that means that Richard will feel inclined to work on both apartments at the same time, just to get them done, rather than finishing one at a time. What worries me most is that there's really no reason for him to hurry on our apartment. He's not under any obligation to get it done in any specific time frame. So now all we can really do is pray! I still think it'll be next Christmas by the time we get to move in. I'm hoping it won't be next year (I won't even let myself think that way), but I don't think it will be sooner than December. I'm praying half-heartedly that it gets done by summer time, before Piper's first birthday...Maybe the "half-heartedly" bit is the problem. I should work on that.

Okay, two kiddos are looking at me with hunger in their eyes.

It's my birthday. I'm so old.

2010-12-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again! Christmas! Wassail! Turkey, ham, cheeseballs, cake. Yes, cake. Because it's my birthday.

I worked all freakin' day on Saturday, which was a bit of a drag. Every other Saturday I've worked so far (this round), people get cut early. We fully staff the store to deal with the morning and mid-day rushes, but then we're typically dead by the afternoon.

Not this last Saturday. Apparently the 18th of December is in competition with Black Friday as our busiest day of the year at Starbucks.

So I drug my feet for 8 hours, and made it abundantly clear to my assistant manager that it was my birthday. I rubbed it in bad. Tim and I had had a quick conversation just before opening one morning back in November about my birthday. I asked him if I could work that day but just get my hours in earlier rather than later. He flipped through the time requests book and then shut it and shoved it back on the shelf.

"Your birthday is on a Thursday and you don't work Thursdays."

"Oh, uh, well, no it's not..." But by the time I finished saying that I was talking to his back. Heck, it was 4:30a.m. - no one is putting their best foot forward at that time of day.

And so I worked on my birthday, 8:30a.m. to 4p.m. Talk about a sucky shift. I really really wanted to go home. The hours between noon and 3p.m. were particularly torturous. I saw Nate in the morning before heading to work and asked him if he would bring the girls in to say hi. He didn't understand why it was so important to me - it was about then that I realized he had forgotten it was my birthday. I didn't say anything, resolving to not be upset until 24 hours had passed: I'd give him all day to remember.

I kept texting with him throughout the morning, asking him to bring the girls in. He was hesitant (knowing that I don't exactly have huge windows of time to say hi when we're in the middle of a rush at work). It was around 12:30 that I realized I had the car with the carseats. There would be no visits from little ones. I was so sad! I had spent all morning looking expectantly at the door every time it opened. Around 3:15 Nate wished me a happy birthday via text. And without a reminder; he was redeemed.

After work, Nate and I got ready for our first ever ugly Christmas sweater party. It was awe-some. Of course Goodwill was out of ugly sweaters when I went in the other day, so we looked nice rather than ridiculous.

I was so blessed/touched/tickled/reduced to near tears when the host and hostess surprised me with a birthday cake. I can't even begin to really define what it meant to me...It was so special and meaningful! It's been ages since a surprise like that! The other fun thing about it was that I knew the host and hostess and Rae Ann - everyone else at the party was a stranger to me, so when the lights went out and the cake came in and everyone began to sing "Happy Birthday" (with much gusto and bravado), well, it was pretty much awesome.

After eating cake, we played a game called Cutthroat Maffia. Ever heard of it? I rarely get to play games any more. Nate won't play with me. The bum. He says it's because I'm too enthusiastic or something or other. He might have used the word competitive but I can't remember.

I was maffia twice and a townsperson three times. Nate was maffia twice. I killed him the two times I was maffia but he graciously only killed me once. I died the other two rounds also, and I think I was killed both times by the host. I was never rightfully accused of murdering the person I actually killed, but I did get sent away for murders I didn't commit. The justice system is messy. Good times!

Since I worked all day on Saturday, we got down to the business of celebrating as a family on Sunday. We started out the day by sleeping in and then heading off to Joe's Donuts in Sandy. I made the mistake of mentioning donuts with sprinkles to Hazel while I was dressing her, so we had to listen to her chatter in anticipation for another two hours before we actually sat down to eat the donuts.

After Joe's, we headed home and put the girls down for naps. Nate had to make a quick trip to Portland to pick up his mom so I puttered around the room doing dishes and laundry, waiting for him to get home. Turns out he got a call from his mom on his way out the door - she didn't need a ride any longer so instead of driving to Portland, he went to the store and bought me flowers and a card. He left them in the car for me so that I was surprised by them when we finally headed out for our evening together.

We took I-205 North toward Gresham but realized pretty quickly that the freeway was a mess. It had started to snow and all the crazy Oregonians forgot how to drive in the cold and wet conditions. Who can blame them, though, really? It had already been two days since the last rain. Anyway, we took back roads into Gresham. The closer we got, the bigger the snowflakes. It was awesome! When we arrived at Starbucks for a pick-me-up, the flakes were huge and coming down fast. We ran in and bought our coffee; by the time we got back to the car, there was quite an accumulation of flakes. It was so beautiful!

We drove into Sandy (again) for dinner at Calamity Jane's (a really fattening and tasty dinner of chili cheese fries and burgers) and then we went to the movies and saw "Tron." Nate loved it immediately. The whole '80s vibe had him stoked. I ran to the bathroom during the movie and I think I picked the most vital part because I'm still a little confused by the movie...

We were home by 11p.m., which was a perfect end to the day. Now it's Monday and I'm still old.

Hazel turned 2 and I can't believe it.

2010-12-10T10:14:00.000-08:00

We picked her name from a street sign, no joke. I thought it was a lovely and unique name, but it took some time for Nate to agree. When he met her, he knew she couldn't be named anything but Hazel!

It's weird that her birth was only two years ago and that it's also already been two years. Time is doing this weird surging thing; it's ebbing and flowing and I can't seem to keep up. My little Miss B. is two and she's quick to tell you so when you ask! Or she is once you convince her that you do understand that her name is Hazel, yes, Hazel Banks, okay, I understand.

She's a chatty chatty girl these days, but the upside is that I can finally understand most of what she says! Actually, I don't think that's a fair statement. I'm her mom and it's pretty obvious that the parents can understand their kids' baby talk better than anyone else on the planet. What I should say is that other people can understand Hazel as well as I do now. Wahoo! Hazel is one smart cookie.

At her pediatrician appointment on her birthday, the wonderful Dr. Mooney had a conversation with Hazel about a book she was looking at. Hazel had shoved the book into Dr. Mooney's lap for her to read, so Dr. Mooney picked it up and showed Hazel a picture of a little kid sitting in his high chair at lunchtime. She asked Hazel, "What's the little boy doing?" I think the response she was looking for was something like, "Eating," or, "Drinking." Hazel answered, "The little baby is drinking his cup of milk." Dr. Mooney was shocked.

Hazel routinely asks for stories and songs, especially CHRISTMAS MUSSEEK! She loves moobies, or I mean movies, especially the "Lion King" (which apparently can be either Simba or Aslan, doesn't matter much so long as there's a lion involved).

Miss Hazel arrived into this world on November 22, 2008. I'll let you take a look in the archives to read about her birth. She came out beautiful, entered the funny looking newborn stage shortly after birth, and then grew into my Chunky Monkey. She's getting so old and big girlish now! She's not so little anymore. Of course she's still a toddler but then that goes back to two years have passed already and only two years have passed. That stinkin' ebb and flow.

We celebrated her birthday with some friends and family here at Rick and Karen's house. We didn't use our room - we used the upstairs. It was a tight fit with everything in transition, but really it worked very well, much more smoothly than I'd been anticipating. Hazel was stoked that so many of her very favorite people were in the same room. She didn't really know what to do with herself!

She raced around to see everyone and then got down to the business of playing. Rae Ann made a gorgeous pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting. It was so heavy and decadent. She gave me crap about how many candles I used on the cake, but who says you have to use a number dependent on the birthday kid's age? I indulged by using a large number of orange candles. I think it looked wonderful!

We snacked on appetizers and chatted for awhile before cutting the cake. Hazel blew out her own candles and I was so proud of her! She put some really focused effort into it and did an amazing job.

Following cake cutting and eating, we opened presents. Hazel seemed to grasp the idea quickly: Rip off the ribbons and paper and there's something pretty cool inside! She had a blast and "oohed" and "ahhed" over all her gifts.

Here are some pictures from the party:

[Karen with Hazel and her birthday balloons.]

[Tutu and Miss B.]

[Friend Heather and Henta with Piper.]

[Lighting the candles with Amanda & Lilu, Stella and Ivy watching on. Oh and Hazel.]

[Hazel watching the candles as they burned.]

[Down to one lit candle! She was a wind machine!]

[Opening some presents.]

[Riding her new hip-hip-hippo with Indira.]

[She stole Rae Ann's piece of cake and walked away with it. Dad spotted her eating alone in the middle of floor.]

I'm still stumped at how we got to this point. I'm amazed at her growth and I feel blessed every time I look at Hazel. She is growing really well by the grace of God. He has given us a very special girl in Hazel Elaine! She's happy and cheerful, loving and obedient (with her moments of tantrum throwing, of course). She brings everyone around her such joy. She's independent and organized (believe it or not). She loves to wear pretty clothes and have her nails painted. She announces when she has done a no-no and takes us to the scene of the crime. She loves to play pretend with her dollies and her kitchen stuff. She reads to us and reminds us of her favorite parts in any book. She's helpful with picking up her messes. She loves to take baths and run/fly.

I am so in love. And I am so blessed.

Tree Killin' 2010

2010-12-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

So, don't tell Nate this, but I can't find the camera. I keep holding him off telling him we'll find it when I shift some stuff around. I've done the shifting and I still can't find it. That being said, the following is the ONLY picture I have from this year's Tree Killin' adventure!

I worked until noon on Sunday and raced home. Nate had the girls up and in their many layers - I sprinted in the door and he ran outside to transfer carseats from my car to his dad's Escape. I threw my warmer winter gear into a bag, packed some snacks for the girls, undressed Hazel a bit (she was sweltering in her bundles of clothes), and then tossed the kids out the door to Nate one at a time.

We piled into the Escape and headed to Estacada. We met up with Dad, Mom, Rae Ann, Stella, and Ivy at the Fearless Brewery and had some lunch. Of course, as is so often the case with kids, both Hazel and Piper sensed my hunger so they each decided to give me big chores to do before I could eat. Hazel had need of a diaper change, so we headed to the women's restroom, which was pretty clean (I was surprised, actually) but didn't have a changing table. I laid her out on the floor and did the deed. When I got back to the table, Piper was screeching and I was keenly aware of the owner's policy toward unhappy, crying kids: Take them outside. I grabbed her from Nate and took her back to the Escape to feed her.

By the time she was done eating, I was in a very poopy mood. I was starving. Appetizers had been on the table when I left with Piper and I could imagine that, twenty minutes later, there wasn't anything left. Nate met me outside on my way into the restaurant and he took Piper so I could eat something. Dad and Nate had thoughtfully guarded the chili fries so I could have some (that's one of the best things about Tree Killin' in my mind!).

We scarfed our burgers, onion rings, chicken strips, breakfast wraps, and mac'n'cheese in record time. Mom and Dad had a party to head to later in the day, so we needed to be quick about getting our trees. We headed toward a tree lot called Bobz. For a family who has always climbed the foothills of Mt. Hood to cut down $5 trees, it hurt our senses to have to visit a lot to buy a $20 tree. It turned out (Mom and Dad knew this when we drove there, but it was news to Rae Ann and I) that an old old friend owns Bobz. We did a little chatting and reconnecting and then we found literally the perfect trees. Rae Ann was super happy with her find, Mom and Dad couldn't have done better, I don't think, and Nate and I walked away with a beautiful little tree for Rick and Karen.

Rae Ann found out that we weren't planning on having a tree in the basement (space restrictions you know), but she insisted on buying a little two foot tree for Hazel. It's super cute. It's sitting next to me right this minute. I brought two stings of lights with me touse in decorating our room for Christmas so I used one on the tree. It's glowing. The tree itself is way to wimpy to hold any of the four ornaments I have with me (a metal bird, a wooden frame with a special saying, a heavy fairy, and a fragile goldfish), so it's bare for now except the lights. What a gift, though! I love love love Christmas trees, so it's been fun to be able to look at this one every moment of the day.

The guys at the tree lot loaded the tree onto our car for us. As Nate and I were unbundling ourselves and the girls, the truck took off with the rest of the family in it. Dad shouted bye out the window as the truck rounded the corner and disappeared from view. Nate and I just looked at each other and laughed. We knew they had a timeline that was pretty tight, but it was still funny that they were gone so quickly. Rae Ann texted me a couple minutes later and invited us over to Mom and Dad's for a bit to hang out. We drove straight there. She made some brownies and Mom rocked Piper to sleep. Hazel told Ivy no a million times while they were playing, and the dogs were appropriately harassed by all the small children. It was a good time. It hit about five o'clock and we decided to get the girls home for an early bedtime.

We had a fun Tree Killin' experience, once again! I'm sad to report, though, that we didn't get our yearly picture with our tree. It was super windy and cold at the tree lot. (I'll blame the weather rather than the lost camera. Best not to draw too much attention to that poor camera...)

[P.S. This is Piper after eating about a week ago. I'm posting this here because she's getting huge! I'm so proud of her!]

Forgot to tell you about this.

2010-12-05T00:47:00.000-08:00

Last year Nate was sick on Tree Killin' day, so Hazel and I braved the elements alone. Well, it wasn't actually as dire as it sounds. We rode with Mom and Dad way far away (couldn't exactly tell you where we landed but it was getting close to Breitenbush campground. (Did you notice that those are two separate links? I'm tricky and slick sometimes.)

I strapped Hazel onto my back in the Kelty and we started hiking straight uphill, right on Mom and Dad's heels. I lost wind pretty quickly; it was way too hard. And it became way too cold. I'm pretty sure Hazel came *this close* to losing an eye a couple times. That kid never cries in discomfort really, no not ever. She threw a true tantrum once before this adventure (during our last Christmas photo, picture below - she had a fever and double ear infection and we had no idea until she melted down three snaps in during our photo session). Branches kept whipping up and hitting her in the face while were climbing the hill. Straight up. I realize that you probably just read between the lines to realize that, in the end, that's my fault. It's true. I'm probably the one who made the branches whip around and smack her. I realized that around the third time she cried out, so that, coupled with not being able to feel my nose any more, helped me make the incredibly easy decision to head down the hill, back to the truck, so that we could warm up comfortably while Mom and Dad did their crazy hiking. Pictures:

Can you see her ultra cold cheeks and nose? It's hard to see the scratches on her face, but they're there. We sat in the truck for quite awhile before Mom and Dad showed up with their tree. Dad loaded it into the truck bed and we headed down the hill to have lunch in Estacada. We hit up a tree farm on the way into Damascus so that we could return home with some success. (SUCCESS? Bah. It burns me to pay more than $5 for a Christmas tree, stupid tree farms.) Nate was laid out on the couch when I got home. He held Hazel and watched me wrestle the tree through the door and then decorate it.

Below is the picture we used with our Christmas letter. Not the best. Following that is a picture I wanted to use but couldn't because Hazel was entering her meltdown.

I must say, this year's experience with our tree is bound to be better! We won't have a tree in our room, so we're cutting one for Rick and Karen. It'll stand in their living room for everyone to enjoy. I can hardly wait to decorate it! All my ornaments are packed away for next year so I'm really looking forward to helping Karen with hers. Hazel is going to lose her mind. It'll be the best!

Settled? What's that?

2010-12-04T14:37:00.000-08:00

Our life is utter chaos right now, if I'm being honest. That being said, please forgive me if I missed a planned get together, or if I'm supposed to call you back and I haven't, or if you're expecting something from me in the mail. My world is a little upside-down right now.

Piper is doing fine - she's pretty much the only one out of the four of us, though, who can say as much (and she's not currently speaking).

Hazel is a mess. This move has been hard on her. When we first landed in my in-laws' basement, she continued to sleep in her play pen upstairs in the office. That's where she's been most familiar with sleeping. She was switched down to the basement (as was always our plan) about a week and a half into living here. That's been a tough one for her. Napping is coming easier these days, but we're having to work toward the "right" bedtime for her. She's been up until about nine the last few nights, but we're inching that bedtime closer and closer to her original and more appropriate 7:15 bedtime.

Miss B. turned two on November 22nd (I'll have to post separately about that - too many good pictures) and she's every bit the protest tantrum two-year-old. It's driving me insane. Love her to pieces, but some mornings I just want to put her back in bed and walk away. I think these major life changes have been a bit much for her so she's picked something to be mad at and that's the changing table. She hates it. She won't lie still and she kicks, hits, and pulls my hair when I have to change her diaper. Some of you might be wondering why I force it with her when it's such an issue: Even though we have moved, our expectations of her are the same. She will have her diaper changed on the changing table, not our bed; she will eat sitting in her high chair, not wandering around the room. She needs to feel the same sense of security within these boundaries as she did at our old house, but it's taking some time right now for her to realize that although our living situation has changed, nothing else has. I don't want to fight any more battles with her; I'm tired. Bone. Tired.

Nate is working working working. He was the incredible one-man-show during the move. He had the wonderful help of his brothers when it came to literally loading crap into various vehicles and depositing it wherever it needed to land, be that Goodwill, the storage unit, someone's house, or the "Great Room." He is so utterly tired also. I don't know how he's still functioning. He's my hero, truly. It took him two weeks to get us to a "done" point with the house. I helped when I could, but it was a bit tougher with the girls. Rick and Karen went above and beyond by watching them many, many evenings as Nate and I cleaned and organized the other house. I can't even begin a breakdown of everything he did in/on that house before we could be considered moved.

I miss that house every day. It hurts my heart that we're not living there anymore.

On December 1st, Nate turned our keys in to the landlord. He walked through the house and pointed out changes we made, things we brought with us that we're leaving there, etc. We're leaving the outdoor light fixtures that we bought for our Anderegg house and then brought to the 172nd house; we're leaving our stove and hood, the pendant light in the kitchen nook, the shower head and curtain rod, window shades in the bedrooms, and...Other stuff that I can't remember right now. Our landlord was thrilled. He loved how nice the inside looked, so he was able to look past the overgrown front garden and the piles of leaves in the yard. When Nate asked me for my key on Tuesday night in preparation for the walk-through the next morning, I cried.

I've really struggled with this move, and I know it's because I feel a lack of control. It kinda sucks that God wants to have me learn a whole bunch of tough lessons back-to-back. I'd like to just be done with this season, so I'm hoping and praying that I morph into a quick learner.

We're blessed to have the generosity of Nate's parents. We've filled up their basement with our disorganized crap and I know that it's stressful on everyone. I have boxes and boxes of stuff still to unpack. I think our family might just celebrate the holidays with Christmas decorations in January because at this point there's too much other clutter in our one room to even recognize the decorations apart from the boxes and piles of stuff I'm sorting. Do you want a peek? It hurts me to post this picture, just so you know.

It's bad lighting because I used the computer camera to snap the photo, but I think you get the gist. The stuff on the left is a pile I'm working on currently; it blocks the fireplace. Our bed you can see pretty easily - the red blanket/curtain helps to separate our part of the room from the girls. What you don't see here is Nate's office, my pantry, the chest freezer and fridge, the dressers, changing table, or closet. Good times, yes?

Even with all this blech-ness right now, our little family is still together and we're thriving. We have to get over this hump of change and acclimate (hopefully soon). I already feel that we're making true memories here, and that's a gift! Oh, and another super thing is that I have full access to Nate's super awesome computer, so hopefully blogging will happen much more often (very likely during my mandatory quiet hours between 1-4p.m.; naps, you know).

Tomorrow we'll head up to Estacada to find our Christmas tree, and Hazel is so stoked. All she can talk about right now is, "!*@^*#* [Decorate] the Christmas tree, MOMMY?"

Changes.

2010-10-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

Many, many changes are taking place around here these days. We're packing up the house currently....Well, I am. Nate's busy with work, either in his office or at job sites (of which he has a couple going right now). Hazel is doing pretty well helping me pack, taking stuff only out of certain boxes. I'm struggling to find my brain in all the chaos, though. I'm packing for three things: moving in with Nate's family for 6-8 months, moving into our new place following that (Gresham/Boring/Sandy area - you know what I mean), and then long-term (the stuff that won't be able to fit into the rental).

We've been given the opportunity to snap up an apartment being built by Nate's Uncle Richard. We jumped on it.

We were out visiting Joe's Donuts in Sandy several weeks ago when Nate suggested we drive by Richard's property to see the house and shop he's currently building. On the way, Nate told me about the two apartments Richard is building on either side of his enormous shop. One apartment is 800 square feet, the other is 1,000. Richard has had renters for the 800-square-foot apartment since the beginning, but the other one was available when Nate walked through it some time ago.

Nate told me that he had asked Richard to consider us as renters.

I balked.

What incredible timing! (Sense the sarcasm.) I'd just been thanking God for our house, how it has worked so well for us and fit us so snuggly. We have some really wonderful memories here. On the heel of thanking God for providing for us in such a huge way, here comes word from Nate that we really should consider moving.

I knew he was right almost immediately. As wonderful as this house has been, we've been having to count the cost of living here lately. There's rent and then wood or oil to heat the house, electricity to run the furnaces (and everything else in this heat-leaking place), trash, water, etc. All the standard utilities, really.

Nate went on to tell me how much the rent would be for the apartment....I'll just tell you that it's pretty sweet. And then he gave me the even better news that that rental price covered utilities also, as well as Internet and cable. Just trust me when I tell you that moving from our house to the apartment will save us between $1,500 and $1,800 a month in living expenses, easily. That includes the fact that we'll have to pay for a storage unit while we live there.

So now I'm packing. We've given word to our landlord that we'll be moving out and we agreed to vacate by the 14th of November. I've been getting some help with the packing from my best friend's mom and sisters, so that's been so wonderful! Laura (Leslie's mom) is keeping me focused and on track.

The organization is what's kicking my butt. I'd say I'm fairly organized, with a few junk drawers here and there, but I'm having to be ultra creative in how I'm packing right now. My long-term pile of boxes is currently pretty small, although it will eventually be bulked up by some furniture when we start really shuffling things around. We're going to have a moving sale not this weekend but the next (I think....It'll be joint with Nate's parents).

So we've been really taken care of on several fronts:
1. We have a place to go until the apartment is done being built. We'll live in the great room in the basement of Nate's parents' house. It'll be tight, but I'm feeling encouraged about it actually. Any suggestions, though, on how to get your kids to sleep comfortably and deeply in one room together, a room that is also serving as kitchenette and office?
2. I have help packing!!!
3. Starbucks just hired me back. I'll be working Wednesday mornings, Friday afternoons, Saturdays, and Sundays. As tough as it's going to be to head back to work, I'm so grateful that I can do this small thing to contribute to our household income.
4. Because the apartment on Richard's property isn't completed yet, we are able to make layout and design suggestions, which has been super fun so far. And that's just a bonus to all the gifts that God has lavished on us lately.

We are truly blessed!

Piper learned to suck her thumb. I feel very mixed about this. She'll use a pacifier if I give her one, but she's super thrilled about her thumb. I can't take that away in five years (if she's still sucking it then). She sure is cute while she's at it, though.

I snapped this picture on my phone the other morning. Nate came into the kitchen to say good morning to Hazel and the first thing she did is thrust "Green Eggs and Ham" at him and say, "Read to me! Read to Hazel!" So he took a seat on her stool and she climbed into Piper's carseat.

Okay, so just as a final assurance, things are good. They're better than good, in fact. We're excited for these changes, we're excited at how much money we'll save in our monthly budget, we're feeling very taken care of. We've been gifted with some incredible opportunities! The drawback is that I'm sprinting in circles. I might yell at you if you call me at an inopportune time. Just giving you fair warning. Amen.

POST 300 (aka "The Beach!")

2010-10-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

The last time Hazel was at the Oregon Coast was, well, a LONG time ago. She joined Nate and I on one of our trips to Rockaway and she was 5 months at the time. That's too long. I've missed the coast, so I asked Mom if she'd want to go with me and the girls to visit again. This was the first trip where Hazel has been old enough to interact with her environment, and this was a plain old first for Piper.

I love all of these pictures. I'm just going to throw them at you. Take your time. I know, my girls are pretty.

I really did take some pictures of the, ahem, recently painted house (I can't say newly painted anymore because I'm just plain behind in posting the pictures). They're still on the camera, which is still attached to Nate's hip. I'll swipe them soon and post the photos. The house looks good. The deck looks amazing! Our weather is definitely Fallish these days, so I've been lighting fires in the family room fire place to keep us warm and motivated at the start of each morning. It's been cozy, especially when i trek outside for more wood and it smells like campfire around my house. I love it...

We have some big changes going on in the very near future, so I'll post about that pretty soon.

October 15th

2010-10-16T15:08:00.000-07:00

Each year we attend the Remembrance Ceremony for lost babies at Portland Adventist Medical Center. I so totally didn't want to attend last night! I cried and dug in my heels. That's a funny story, though, because as I was crying and refusing to attend the ceremony, I was driving the car toward the hospital. Nate got back late from work so we met up at his parents' house where I dropped the girls off and he changed out of his work clothes. I heated up his dinner and we got in the Volvo to make the 10 minute drive up the freeway to the hospital. He ate and I drove.

He was more than willing to do with me whatever I needed to do, whether that was attend the ceremony or bail on it completely and do something different. We were still talking about whether or not to attend when we parked the car, walked into the hospital, got lost finding the ceremony, and then stumbled upon it in an open lobby.

Nate wanted to make sure I wouldn't regret not going. I was so conflicted but we attended anyway...And I'm so glad we did.

The hardest thing about the ceremony is always connecting with other parents who've lost babies but who don't have any hope of seeing their kiddo again. That leaves me so sad and heartbroken. The hope I have of seeing Nathaniel again someday is what makes the loss of him so much easier to get through. I know right where he is and I know that someday it'll be time for me meet him, in full and perfect health.

The best thing about the Remembrance Ceremony is hearing Nathaniel's name. I love that other people remember him. Lorrie called out his name at the ceremony last night and it warmed me from the middle outward. I honestly think that she is as excited to meet him someday as I am! (She was our day nurse and grief nurse during our stay at the hospital when Nathaniel died and was delivered.)

Going to the ceremony definitely makes me want to hug my girls closer. I'm glad that we attended last night. I always think that the next year will "be better," emotionally speaking, but it continues to be tough. Ah well, maybe next year will be better...

To sign off, here's a picture of my littlest one (or two pictures - couldn't resist).

Isn't she pretty?

2010-09-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

6 weeks later...

2010-09-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

It's so crazy to me that six weeks have passed (or flown) by already. Piper is, well, she's here.

She survived an attempted murder at the hands of Hazel. Poor little Miss Hazel B. is actually totally oblivious to the humanness of Piper. I had to try to explain in the most simple terms that Piper feels pain like Hazel does, so hitting her across the head with a plastic tray table is not a good thing. Oh, and kicking her in the head is also totally unacceptable.

Hazel is two. Let's just say that to set the record straight. She's two. And she's finding her inner teenager. She loves to look at me out of the corner of her eye and say, "No." Half the time I haven't even said anything to her, let alone asked her to do anything or hand an item over.

Piper is crying now - shoot, I thought I had longer than 30 seconds to write up a blog post. Nope. Ah well. Anyway, to be brief: She is six weeks tomorrow. She has begun to make very focused and intentional eye contact. She has trouble burping and it's super annoying in the middle of the night when it takes an hour to get her to burp. She has baby acne now, which is so awesome. She was born at 6lbs 8oz, left the hospital at 6lbs 1oz, and she currently weighs 9lbs 5oz. I'm so proud of her! She has no chin to speak of (thanks, Nate; and I'm not just being mean, he owns that that trait is totally from him).

I'm recovering just fine. Thanks for asking. I had mastitis two weeks after Piper's birth and I'd really rather not repeat that experience. I'm a bit paranoid that it'll happen again. Yuck. Oh and I really suck at this whole two kids thing. I can't seem to find any balance. It usually ends up working out that one kid is totally ignored while I'm taking care of another. Everyone says that I'll get this figured out eventually, but I'm not so sure. I'll tell you in a year if I have it down yet.

I feel I should insert this bit of information somewhere, but it's awkward wherever I put it because it just doesn't flow. I'll just say it and be done with it: Our cat Franki died. Well, we had her put down. She was fading fast from throat cancer. I got up one morning and she couldn't meow any more. We didn't know what was wrong with her at that point but I had been communicating with a vet friend about Franki's weight loss and deteriorating condition so I took Franki to Jen that afternoon and had her put down. It was so sad for Nate and I. And now I think we have mice in the basement.

Okay, more later. I have pictures, they're just not on this computer. Again.

Did you know it's Fall already? My red apple candle is gloriously sputtering on the dining room table, I have wasil makings set aside, the leaves are changing color, I decorated in the spirit of Fall today...It's going to be an excellent season!

Friends & Family

2010-08-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

Henta and Stella with Piper.

Henta, Stella, Ivy, and Hazel getting their chance to inspect Piper.

Poppa meets Piper Sue.

Snuggles from Grandpa Banks.

Uncle Stephen snagged Piper for a little while...

...before Uncle Ricky took over.

Nate being congratulated by his mom (Grandma).

Tutu's turn to see the little girl!

We think she's so beautiful and just perfect as the newest member of our family. We're so incredibly blessed!

And heeerrreee's Piper!

2010-08-20T17:16:00.000-07:00

We checked in at Portland Adventist Hospital at 6a.m. on Friday, August 6th. We were put in room 2402 and hunkered down to get ready for the surgery. It was strange to sit in the bed, attached to various monitors, knowing that it was simply a count-down until we'd meet our girl (who still didn't have a name, by the way).

Dr. Nakamura was late to the hospital, but Peggy had slept there for two days and nights in a row, so she was on hand. The anesthesiologist, Dr. Lovittz, came in to check on us around 7:30 - and I fell in love immediately! We had three different anesthesiologists when Nathaniel was born and I disliked all of them; we had one with Hazel and she was nice enough; this most recent anesthesiologist was a wonderful man! He took such good care of us. He was our advocate during the birth, making sure we had our moments to take pictures of the birth and to connect with the baby. I remember Nate going over to see our girl when she was being taken care of by the nursery nurse and he stood right in my line of sight; Dr. Lovittz noticed immediately and walked over to Nate; he took him gently by the shoulders and had him step a little to the left so I could see the kiddo, too. I never even said anything to him - he was so perceptive and thoughtful!

Anyway, back to the beginning. Our c-section was scheduled for 7:45a.m., but since Dr. Nakamura was late, we didn't get wheeled in to the operating room until about 8:20. I started to feel really emotionally overwhelmed and anxious while we were waiting for the doctors, so I kinda , um, checked out for awhile. I dozed while Nate and our friend and "event photographer" Lindsi chatted. Finally a nurse and Dr. Lovittz came back into the room to collect us for surgery.

They took me in first to set me up on the operating table and detangle all my wires and such. Nate came in just in time for my blood pressure to drop (because of the spinal) - he was a pro at holding my barf bag. I had so much going on at this point: anxiety, adrenaline, anticipation, fear...I was a mess! I was loopy from the meds, too, so that made it risky to say anything to anyone at any point during the operation (although I did chime in on a conversation between the doctors and nurses about the differences between Rug Rats and Smurfs).

They put up the curtain and started cutting without much ado. I became emotional almost immediately. Nate held my hand and my head while I wept and muttered prayers for our girl. I knew this c-section would take longer than Hazel's, which had been rushed after 46 hours of labor. Finally I felt Peggy climb on top of me and I knew our girl was about to be born.

Something strange and disconcerting happened at that point, though. Peggy climbed back down and there wasn't a baby yet. I felt a shift in the atmosphere of the room. I only found out later what it was. Two things had happened: Dr. Nakamura had opted to make a smaller incision this round than Dr. Sargent had made last time, plus the baby had her right hand up by her face and refused to move it, which made her too wide to fit through the incision. Dr. N couldn't deliver our girl with her hand by her face, so he tried putting his hand in the incision to move her arm, but she would snap it right back before he could get her out. They had to make the incision a little larger and then use a vacuum to get her out.

She was born at exactly 9a.m. - she cried at first, more so than Hazel had initially, but then she calmed down quickly. Hazel settled when Nate began talking to her; Piper calmed all on her own. She was a limp little girl who allowed the nursery nurse to get all her stats quite easily. I knew there wasn't anything wrong with her; she was just content (a word I've used to describe her fairly constantly since her birth).

She weighed in at 6lbs. 8oz. and measured 20 inches long at 38 weeks and 4 days (Hazel was 7lbs. 14oz. and 19 and 3/4 inches long at 40 weeks and 1 day).

I had this incredible moment of recognition when I met Hazel for the first time; I wasn't expecting that this round, though. When I met Piper, I knew her but it wasn't the same as with Hazel. It was so easy to look at Piper and recognize her as my daughter, even though her coloring was so weird to me (her eyelashes are super blonde and her hair has a golden tint; where in the world did that come from). She was happy to nestle in with Nate and I will they cleaned up the OR and stitched up my incision. I have to say, someone should write a book on what should not be said in an OR during an operation. I heard a nurse say, "Wow! I've never had that happen before!" Of course, my immediate thought was something dire having to do with my incision or the baby, but no, she had opened a packaged/sterilized piece of equipment and it had shot out of her hands.

Piper was given to Nate and he brought her over to meet me. Keep in mind she still didn't have a name at this point. I was trying to figure out what to call her, as was Nate, but we couldn't pin it down out of our three options. We were taking suggestions from the hospital staff.

We were wheeled back to our room where we bonded with the baby for a little bit. We talked with her and I nursed; Peggy came in and gave a few more details about the delivery. Someone mentioned the vacuum, which was a total shock to me. I had no idea that would even be an option during a c-section. I wish that hadn't happened, especially since it intensified her jaundice.

Here's a quick picture of Peggy in the operating room. Notice the blood. I think it's fascinating! I was chuckling at the blood that had landed everywhere during the operation. It was all over the doctors and the lights. I blame the drugs for the fact that I found it funny.

Nate and I had three name options that we kept toying with. We might use them someday, but for this little one, Piper fit best. Don't worry, though: It took three days for us to finally commit to Piper Sue. Other options were Hollis and Padget (still with the middle name Sue, after my mom).

Piper is petite. She is so feminine and adorable. Her cry is so cute to me, and she's very specific about when she cries. I know she'll find her voice someday and cry at anything and everything just to hear it, but for now I'm loving her little wail.

I have pictures of family meeting Piper, but I'll have to post those next time (they're on another CD). I'll leave you with one last picture of Miss Hazel. She was so confused by our stay in the hospital. She spent Friday night through Monday afternoon with Rick and Karen; they brought her by the hospital one or two times a day. She hated the room I was in. She'd run around once she was inside, but it became a battle to get her to cross the threshold. It broke my heart when she wouldn't get near me but just stared at me with this deadpan look on her face.

Piper had jaundice so she spent from noon on Sunday through noon on Monday in the nursery under bilirubin lights. I had to wake up every three hours, trek over to the nursery to nurse her, go back to my room and pump, and then take what I pumped back to the nursery so they could supplement her feeding. By the time we left the hospital Piper's weight was down to 6lbs. 1oz., which wasn't as horrible (percentage wise) as Hazel's drop had been (from 7lbs. 14oz. down to 6lbs. 14oz.), but it still had me worried. Her jaundice was under control for the most part, so we were discharged and brought her home.

Hazel was delivered to us by Rick and Karen that evening. She was super tired and quite unsure of the little baby who had followed us home from the hospital. She's still trying to adjust to Piper, and I know that will take quite a bit of time. She did try to knock the daylights out of Piper the other day, so that was hard on all of us, but for the most part she's fairly impartial.

Okay, if I missed anything about Piper's birth, I'll be sure to include it in the next update. More later!

(P.S. If there are some serious misspellings and blunders in this post, I blame my meds. I'm battling mastitis right now and I'm on quite a list of medication, most of which make me nauseous, dizzy, and disoriented. Good timing when it comes to writing a blog, right?)

The Park

2010-08-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

I will definitely be posting all about Piper pretty soon, but here is a quick post to hold you over in the meantime.

I took Hazel and Piper to the park last night and it was so fun! This was Hazel's posture the entire hour she was in the swing. I kept asking her if she wanted to see the ducks, and she kept saying, "More swing!" I thought she looked like she was in pain because of how she was sitting in the swing, but it was more than okay with her - she was quite happy!

Finally she decided it was time to go for a walk, so we headed down the path to the duck pond. She trotted along beside me quite well - this was our first park excursion where she wasn't confined to a stroller.

Here she is at the duck pond...

We sure had a good time together. It was so nice to be outside - it's been so stinking hot lately!

Okay, more later!

Less than two days left.

2010-08-04T17:27:00.000-07:00

This is my 38 week and 2 day belly. The kid in there doesn't have a name yet, but hopefully by Friday afternoon we'll have that bit of business squared away.

Here's my other kid. Miss B realizes there's a new infant seat sharing the backseat of the car with her and she's been asking where the baby is (without any recognition that my belly is big because there's a baby in there and that it has to come out at some point and will then occupy the infant carrier).

My to-do list is 17 items long, which is just wonderful but I'm trekking through it one item at a time! We're checking in Friday morning at 5:45am and we'll be there through midmorning next Monday. Can't wait to show off some pictures!

(Oh, and I haven't forgotten to post pics of the house with paint on it, so I'll get to that soon!)

Look here, please, but with caution.

2010-07-04T15:16:00.000-07:00

I'm going to slap a bunch of pictures up right now and ask you to please try to breathe as you browse them. They're awful. I hope they inspire within you an understanding as to why, for so long, I've been embarrassed to tell people that this is the house I live in, even though I love it for its interior. And also why I use the phrase, "We're the sixth house on the left, the white-trashy blue one with paint missing," when telling people how to find my house.

Okay, deep breath, folks. Here goes. You should know, though, that this is pretty much how the house looked when we moved in, made only slightly worse when Nate did some pressure washing and scraping to prep the house for painting. He caulked all over, which actually made an improvement to the appearance (believe it or not) - slight as that improvement might have been, I'm clinging to it.

This is the back deck (we will be staining the deck).

This is one of the attic windows (Nate's desk sits behind it).

This is Hazel's room, at least the two West-facing windows. My desk sits in the attic window above her room, and you can see one of the basement windows just below hers. That's the breezeway on the right, through which you can actually spot some green from the front yard.

And this is the South-facing window looking into her room; it looks onto the breezeway which runs between the house and that garage. This picture is of the siding just above her window.

These pictures are of the kitchen windows. This first one is of the bit of window that faces South. The next is of the stretch of windows that faces East. The third picture is of the siding above the South-facing window. Isn't my house lovely?

Here is our front porch. The door will be painted black, and the porch, stairs, and foundation will all be painted a nice, dark accent color. It's going to look simply stunning.

And here is the North-facing side of the house. The window to the left is our front living room, and the window to the right is our family room.

This house could be considered totally chaotic. Some of the slap-togetherness of the exterior drives me crazy, and I'm hoping that fresh paint will disguise some of its strangeness.

Okay, next post will be an update of the painting process, so hold your horses.

An Update.

2010-07-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Nate's been painting, and I'll get to that in a moment (or at least when I find the pictures on his computer...), but to start here's a [terrible] picture of my 33 week belly. This is the best I can do when it has to be a self-portrait. Nate was working just outside the bathroom window while I was taking pictures of my belly and finally he tapped on the glass.

"What's the flashing?" was his muffled question through the two layers of plastic and tape and the glass.

"Nothing," I lied. I didn't want him to know what I was doing. It was a little embarrassing at the time. I'm not so shy about it right in this moment, which is why you're seeing one of the poor results of my personal photo shoot.

This day in particular had been quite eventful! Let me break it down for you.

This is how Hazel spent a chunk of her day. She was in glorious heaven, splashing away! When she woke up from her nap, I stripped her down and slathered sunscreen all over her super white skin and then had her step into her Little Swimmers diaper. And then I had her step out of it, turned it around, and had her step back in. And then I had her step out of it, turned it around, and then had her step back in again. I'm pretty sure it was on backwards at that point, but after one look at her annoyed little face I wasn't going to switch it around again.

I dressed her in her swimsuit, which I had to explain several times since she'd never worn it before. I talked about eating lunch and then playing in the pool. She had no idea what "the pool" was (except that it could almost sound like "poop," which is one of her favorite words), but she understood the concept of going outside to play. She ate faster than I've ever seen her eat a meal before; after every bite she checked to make sure we were still going outside by asking, "Ou'si'? Poo'?" As she neared finishing her banana, I watched her use both hands to shovel the last few pieces into her mouth; she picked up her plate and handed it to me, saying with a mouth fit to burst, "All done!" And then outside we went.

She was so excited by the water and all the trees, birds, cars, bicycles, grass, bushes, clouds, carpenter ants...Everything brought a thrill with it. I think the most exciting thing, though, was the fact that I let her hold her bubbles and bubble wand. Those are usually restricted, and so when it came time to get out of the pool, she wouldn't let go.

A bath followed pool-time. Her sunscreen is pretty thick and mineral-ly, so I couldn't even think of not bathing her after putting on a good, thick layer all over her little body. She clung to her bubble bottle and bubble wand all through the undressing. She hollered when I made her pull her fist and bubbles through her bathing suit strap - I'm sure she thought I'd be taking it away at any second.

She made it through her bath (I swiped the bubbles and wand when she was distracted by her rubber ducky and shampoo) in fair spirits. She was becoming quite tired of the water by the time we finished with her bath. I got her out of the tub (which is her baby tub; it sits inside our big bathtub - there's a drainage issue with the bathtub right now, so it is full of grime and residue from the pipe system...so gross, and an obvious reason why she still uses her baby tub), dried her off, and dressed her for bed, complete with socks and shoes so she could run around the house until bedtime without getting her feet dirty again.

I went into the kitchen to make her bottle, with her tottering along behind me. She's free to wander through most of the rooms in the house for the most part; I call out her name every 30 seconds or so just to check on where she's at and find out what she's up to. If she doesn't answer back, I go looking for her.

Well, she didn't answer back at one point so I went running to find her. My house is small, so two steps through the kitchen I was in the hallway looking directly into the bathroom. What did I see? Her little feet sticking out from the bathtub, parallel to the floor. As I watched, they shot upward, meaning that she was falling into the bathtub. It all happened so fast: the realization that for the first time in her little life I hadn't emptied the baby tub of its water, the knowledge that the big tub was still full because it drains at a snail's pace, the fact that she was probably face-first in the water of her bathtub...

Her little feet kicked and twisted so that before I was even in the bathroom she was sitting upright in her tub. Her face and the front bit of her hair were wet again, so I assumed she'd gone under for a moment, but she was okay. I saw that in a split second. After my panic took its leave, I started laughing like crazy. She looked a little put-out by my laughter, but I grabbed the camera and took a few pictures. She wouldn't look at me, so this is the best I could get.

What was left to do but grab another towel and get her ready for bed again? And so that's what happened. Here's a picture just after getting dressed for bed for the second time.

I'm pretty lucky that nothing seriously bad happened. It could have been a lot worse than it turned out to be, and I know that that's by the grace of God!

She's a funny little munchkin! She's adding a crazy number of words to her vocabulary right now, most recently pizza, pancakes, and broccoli. I think she's teething again; her refusal to eat much of anything for several days in a row seemed to indicate as much, but last night she ate two whole pieces of pizza and then this morning she ate three kiddo sized pancakes.

Now I'm off to search Nate's computer for painting pictures. The man has been hard at work! Our house looks so much better!

A funny thing happened today.

2010-06-24T18:34:00.000-07:00

Mom had Hazel for most of the day, which allowed me to see Peggy (more on that in a minute), mow another chunk of our field of a yard, and get some work done. I picked up Hazel from Mom's at about 4:30pm. Tutu was worn out, completely (apparently Hazel drug her along on several walks around the property and down the driveway), and when the screen door swung open, Hazel trotted out on the front step. She pointed out a ball, asked me for help off the stoop, and then practically sprinted to the back passenger door on my Volvo. She tried to open the door and when she couldn't she looked at me and said, "Seat!" She obviously really wanted into her carseat. I plopped her in and buckled her and she immediately said, "Home? Play?" I've never known her to beg to go anywhere, let alone if that means leaving Poppa and Tutu's house. I had to laugh.

So I saw Peggy today; the appointment went well. I'm measuring 33 weeks, so just a little ahead. I see the surgeon in two weeks (Peggy will be on vacation so it's a good time to consult with Dr. N.), Peggy two weeks after that (which will be my 36th week), and then I'll see her in my 37th and 38th weeks. I'm not entirely sure why I'm seeing her in my 38th week - it'll be the day before the c-section.

I confirmed with her the c-section date. She scheduled the cesarean for the 6th of August, so we're definitely on the books now.

When Peggy was checking the babe's heartbeat, it was a little slow. Peggy looked at me a bit askance and said, "Hmm, I don't think Mom ate breakfast." The kid's heartrate gave me away! Speaking of food, I'm starving. I should eat. In a minute.

My Uncle Seth brought over a child-sized dresser for Hazel not too long ago, so I stuck that in the nursery today. It's getting a bit cramped in there with all the "necessary" pieces of furniture! I don't know, it might be best to take the twin bed out for now. I like the idea of a guest bed, but it's taking up a lot of room at the moment. If we took it out, it would open up a huge amount of space, allowing both cribs to fit comfortably rather than making it all a tight squeeze. (Can you believe it, this is the first I've thought of removing the guest bed. Oh, and no one has ever slept in it since we've moved here.) Once I get all the furniture situated, I need to find a way to decorate the plaster walls. I have all the banners and pictures I want to use, but I'm a bit clueless as to how to best mount them on the walls. I can hardly wait to get the room finished, though! I'm seriously excited...

To be honest, this pregnancy has been something of a conundrum for me. Sometimes I feel wonderful, absolutely free to do what I like when I like, seeing as I'm not on bedrest this time around. Other times I feel incredibly restricted simply because I'm pregnant. There are things this house needs that I can't do because of the pregnancy. For example: I'd love to be able to deal with the ongoing ant issue myself rather than bothering Nate with the chore when he already has too much on his plate, but, as a pregnant lady, I can't use the chemical we bought; I'd like to stain our deck, but again it's a chemical issue; I'd like to take care of the cat litter, but again...So I've resorted to helping Nate by mowing our yard. By hand. It's okay, I checked with Peggy. The front yard isn't horrible, but the back is a nightmare. I did a small patch today and had to stop. Maybe I'll get to it tomorrow...We'll see. Dumping the grass cuttings is more of an issue than the actual mowing, simply because we dump the cuttings in the field. The grass in the field gives me hives, so you can see the problem there. My arms were covered by the time I finished today. I may be too much of a wimp to take mowing on again tomorrow - I'd rather not deal with the hives again.

Little munchkin...

2010-06-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

Nate's family took a little bit of a road trip the other weekend (and it included Nate and I) to see Tom Petty in concert in George, Washington (yes, the comma is necessary here). Mom and Dad watched Hazel all day Friday and overnight until Saturday afternoon. Apparently Hazel learned to put on her rain boots while at Poppa and Tutu's! Whenever she wanted to wander outside she'd race over to her boots and put them on. I wish I could have seen it! This is the picture Mom sent me...

The poor child. After sleeping over at Poppa and Tutu's, she had probably one night out of seven that she went to bed at a normal time and slept the night through. We kept her up too late too often, just with get-togethers and such. These last few nights seem to be better - she's been going down on time and sleeping through the night. In fact, this morning I never woke up to her chatter. I shot out of bed at 10am feeling like a terrible mom. When I went into her room she was standing in her crib staring at the fan. We then launched into a conversation about "fan" versus "space heater." She was fine, but I still feel bad about how late I woke up this morning.

We have church tonight, so her bedtime will be disrupted again, but hopefully the next few days will be much more simple, routine wise.

I'm 32-ish weeks pregnant now, which is crazy. I can't believe this kid is coming in like 6 weeks! The nursery is a bit of a disaster - I need to seriously get down to business and get that room ready for the kid to get here. Do I feel ready, emotionally and such? Um, not really. My Grandpa keeps telling me, "If one kid takes all your time, then there's not much left that the second one can take." I guess that's supposed to make me feel better! He laughs every time he says it...

I really look forward to having a new little baby around, someone to enjoy and get to know as a totally new person, but I'm not eager to deal with the lack of sleep this new person will bring with her. I struggled with a huge hormone surge after Hazel was born, so I was in a bad, bad emotional state for about two weeks, until I discovered my homeopathic called "Blu." I have some in my medicine cabinet now, so I think that that will really aid in dealing with the ups and downs of post labor hormones. I think that just going into this delivery with eyes wide open will help me deal with things as they come, like lack of sleep, hormone surges, potential breastfeeding issues, etc. I'll be ready when she comes...hopefully!

Couponing accomplishment!

2010-06-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

So I've been testing the waters of this thing called couponing. Really truly, it's a total bear. I'm not good at it so I find little satisfaction in shopping.

But my experience on Saturday brought me a measure of joy, I must admit. While Hazel was napping, I called several stores to price their Huggies Little Movers diapers (size 4). Between Safeway, Fred Meyer, Albertsons, Babies R Us, and Rite Aid, I found that the best deal was at Rite Aid. A pack of 27 diapers was on sale from $11.99 down to $8.99. I had several coupons for $3.00 off one pack of diapers, which would take the price down to $5.99.

But the good news didn't stop there. Rite Aid has a promotion now where (on qualifying items) I can get a $2.00 rebate per package of diapers when I submit my receipt information online. Oh, and once I buy five packages of Huggies diapers, I get the sixth package free! So, between the rebates and the five packages of purchased diapers, I get two packages of diapers for free, in essence!

When I got to Rite Aid, I noticed that there were also $1.00 coupons attached to the receipts of certain items I planned on buying. I ended up with a wonderful cashier who allowed me to do several different transactions so I used three $1.00 off coupons in the store. I bought three packages of diapers and two containers of wipes (72 count) in such a way that I was incredibly proud of myself. I boasted about my purchases to Nate later that night!

And so that you don't feel as if you've totally wasted your time visiting my blog, here's a picture of my belly (if you haven't already caught it on Facebook). I was 31.5 weeks pregnant when I used Photo Booth to snap this picture. I stuck Hazel in Nate's chair to contain her, but she noticed herself on the computer screen and started grinning. This is what I ended up with...

I'm 32 weeks today, or starting my 8th month of pregnancy. We're pretty excited! I see midwife Peggy on Thursday for one of my last appointments before the c-section. I'll see her at 32 weeks, 34 weeks, 36 weeks, and then the c-section is during our 38th week, so I'm not sure if I'll have an appointment with her just before the c-section or if we'll just go on and check in at the hospital.

Okay, that's all for now. More pictures soon, I swear!

I [heart] consigning.

2010-06-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

We've been blessed by living close to both sets of parents; we're pretty darn lucky that they like us and enjoy watching Hazel on occasion.

Nate's parents allowed us to drop her off at their house on Sunday so that he and I could get some things done around our place, namely mowing the field we call our yard and caulking the house. Since Nate had to borrow his parents' riding mower, he took Hazel over to drop her off. Stephen snapped these pictures with his iPhone, and I love them all.

I am absolutely in love with Hazel's little dress in these pictures. I've been hunting for plain onesies for her to use this summer, but I'm having just about zero luck. We visited our favorite consignment store in Gresham on Friday but they didn't have any onesies - everything I find seems to have some logo or design on it, and I really just need simple and plain for her to wear under dresses and sweaters.

Our consignment store has two locations, so on Saturday Hazel and I dropped by their store on 122nd and Glisan. Oh it was wonderful! I found so many cute things for both Hazel and Baby Girl #2. I had a good chunk of credit with the store, so I narrowed down my "likes" and made my purchase.

I found another pair of jeans for Miss B. - she was given one pair in size 18 months, so I wanted another pair to alternate with - and this dress she's wearing in the pictures. There are two brands that I can't pass up when I find them: Janie & Jack and Baby Place (but only footed sleepers have caught my attention from that store; I like their stuff, but I have a thing for the comfort of their jammies). The dress is Janie & Jack and it cost me $6.75 resale. I guarantee it sold for between $30 and $40 when it was new.

When Hazel was about 2 months old a lady from church was giving away about four bins of baby clothes that her little girl had grown out of recently. I drove to her house and she let me take whatever I wanted. Turns out the mother-in-law was pretty wealthy and loved to buy fancy shmanzy baby clothes for the little girl, which is how I discovered Janie & Jack. The mom-in-law must have purchased the entire Spring line when the little girl was born. As Hazel has gotten bigger, the Janie & Jack clothes we were initially given have begun to thin out; at this point, she has a two sweaters, a shirt, a jogging outfit, a hooded jacket, and floral pants. I've purchased a spaghetti strap romper and this dress for summer.

I almost put the dress back on the rack when I found it at the consignment store. I checked the label and even then still wondered if I like it enough to buy it for Hazel. And then I held it up to her little body. Sold. Totally. Why did I ever doubt its cuteness? It has a Western feel with it's ruffles and plaid and collar and pearl buttons and chest pockets...I put her in pink footless tights and a white long-sleeved onesie for church on Sunday. She was adorable wearing it to nursery!

I'll never say no to anything from Janie & Jack, just so every knows.

By the way, I'm pregnant.

2010-05-31T17:50:00.000-07:00

So last Friday night, I put Hazel to bed and left the house around 8:30pm to do some grocery store pricing. I had some coupons that I was looking forward to using and I wanted to figure out who had the best prices between Albertsons and Safeway before dragging Hazel to four stores with me the next morning.

One of the coupons I was most excited to use was one for Coffee-mate hazelnut creamer. It was $1 off, and I knew that Albertsons was coming out with a coupon that would double my one dollar, so I'd get two bucks off the store price. I found that Albertsons had both the 16oz. and 32oz. sizes of creamer (for some reason I can usually only find the 32oz. size)...and they were on sale. I would have to wait until Sunday to actually purchase the creamer, but it would end up costing me $.29 - ACK!

When I put together grocery shopping lists these days, I focus on what will feed Hazel lunch and provide dinner for Nate and I. Breakfast is pretty simple most days, and lunch for myself, well, let's not talk about that. I eat what's available (which speaks to the annoying extra pounds right now).

Because I have to focus on dinners and Hazel's lunch, my budget doesn't accommodate too many "pleasures" - Nate still gets his wine (the man works too hard not to be able to wind down at night) and coffee, but I've been by-passing some of the things I like best, creamer being one of those things that's fallen by the wayside. Needless to say, I was STOKED when I figured out I'd only have to pay $.29 for creamer!

Yesterday, when I picked Hazel up from Nate's parents' house, Karen reminded me that we still had a box of freezer items in their chest freezer. [This might seem like a tangent, but bear with me.] When Rae Ann moved to Baltimore, she unloaded an incredible amount of freezer food on us - and it's been amazingly long-lasting and wonderful. I should have asked for help pulling the box out of the bottom of the freezer; it had to weigh at least 60 pounds...

Even though my grocery budget has shrunk considerably the last six months, since being married to Nate I've always had one and worked within it. So last year during summer, when I wanted to make jam, I only made raspberry (with a few jars of marionberry jam also) - we couldn't buy strawberries to make my fave jam at the time, so I only made Nate's die-hard favorite.

I hefted that 60-pound box out of the chest freezer because I had to bring some reality to my soaring hopes: I had spotted three huge jars of strawberry jam tucked into it. I swear to you, this year's Christmas was yesterday. I hope you didn't miss it.

Whenever I woke up during the night last night, I would think fondly of the hazelnut creamer and raspberry jam waiting for me when it was time to get up. Most mornings I wake up when Hazel cries out and then I give her a little time to truly wake up (she's a bear otherwise). This morning I raced into her room as soon as I heard her and whisked her off to the kitchen for breakfast. Nate came down to say good morning (his office is upstairs in the attic if you didn't know...) while I was feeding the cat and dog and getting Hazel's breakfast made.

I popped my English muffin in the toaster and pulled the strawberry jam out of the fridge. Next I checked the coffee pot and there was about 3oz. of coffee left in it. I balked at that for a split second deep inside, but poured my cup anyway. I grabbed the creamer from the fridge and sensed a problem: It felt light. Like, not new. I opened the lid and there was no foil safety seal. I hollered my displeasure, thinking I had walked out of Albertsons with an opened creamer.

But in the off-chance that that's not what had happened, I asked Nate if he'd had any.

He had.

I wanted to cry.

Why?

Because I'm pregnant and that's what I do these days.

It's totally unreasonable, but I felt so disappointed. I had so anticipated the thought of opening that bottle for the first time and glorying in it's wonderfulness (and newness...and mine-ness). I didn't say anything to Nate about my feelings, though, but I did make sure he wasn't just teasing me, that he had in fact had some and that I had not left the store with an opened container.

Two minutes later I was praying that I would quit thinking about how disappointed I was. Nate was still talking about how much he'd also looked forward to having some of the creamer and how much he'd enjoyed it while drinking his coffee this morning, so I said if I'd known he liked it that much I would have bought the bigger bottle (the $.29 came from my change jar; the $2+ it would have cost to get the bigger bottle would have been supplied by my Mary Kay account - you can understand why I went with the smaller size; plus, it's a pleasure not a staple). He said something along the lines, "Well the creamer is for both of us..." and I interrupted him, overcome by emotions.

"Is it?"

"Well, yeah!" he said with a small smile and a laugh, thinking I was kidding.

"Is it?" I said again with tears in my eyes and disappointment evident in my entire body.

"Oh..." he said and he grabbed me in a huge hug. He felt so bad. I told him I was happy to share with him, it's just that sometimes it's frustrating when there's no small pleasure that's just mine. He has his wine, and I'm jealous of the fact that it's his and his only. Whatever I bring home from the store, I usually assume someone else will be eating, either besides me altogether or in addition to me. Hazel wants everything I have, which is the nature of the parent/child relationship, so I can't escape that; Nate likes what I like, so nothing is sacred there either.

I will admit I cried this morning over my creamer. Sometimes these pregnancy hormones are all-consuming. At least I have a wonderful family to melt down in front of on those occasions. [Oh how I'd love to insert "rare" into that last thought...]

He gets it now...I think.

2010-05-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

I have a white board by the back door that I write my life on. Nate looks at it very rarely (or so it seems). Yesterday he was putting on his shoes and started muttering.

"Glencoe? What's Glencoe? Wait...Glucose? 8:45, Peggy at 9:30. Huh?"

"Glucose. You know, the test I have to take to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes."

"ALREADY? Why?"

"Because we're in our third trimester..."

"That's ridiculous! Holy crap, you're having that baby soon!"

By this time I'm laughing pretty hard, but I had to ask...
"What's the big deal with the glucose test?"

"Well, the last time you took your glucose test, you had Hazel, like, the next day."

(Which isn't true at all, but it gave me good insight into his thinking.)

You know, I think Nate gets it now: This kid is coming, whether or not we're ready!

I feel like it's my birthday...

2010-05-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

Hazel is 18 months old today, and I can hardly keep from telling everyone I see.

Oh, and now she says her name! I thought it was an accident the first time, but when I show her a family picture and ask her who each person is, she says, "Dadda, Momma, Hazie." It kills me every time! She's a freakin' genius, I'm just saying.

2010-05-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

Did I post this picture before? I can't remember...It's from my Dad's birthday dinner in March. He decided to invite some family to dinner at Apizza Scholls (which is where I took Nate for his birthday in January). We devoured like 5 pizzas, I think.

Following that, my uncle took us to a nearby police station where his bomb unit stuff is stored. We climbed through one of his trucks, amazed at the equipment. Before I knew it, Dad was trying on a bomb suit! It was incredibly heavy, but he wore it well!

It was all pretty awesome, and it was an experience we could never pass up.

Okay, this picture is from December. I want you to take note of the intensity on Hazel's face. She knew her meal was coming and she was practically climbing out of her chair to get at it. Poor, impatient, starving thing. Just look at her face - she's totally waning away.

Oh yeah, all these pictures are from my cell phone. They really stink, quality-wise.

I can't remember if I posted this picture either. It's worth doing it again, just look at all the food! One of our favorite restaurants in Cannon Beach is Ecola Seafood. We really enjoy splitting an order of clam strips and fish and chips. They make the most wonderful cocktail sauce!

This last trip, though, turned out poorly: Nate put in our order and paid while I saved us seats. The little plate of clam strips cost $8, which we've never paid before. Usually we pay $4. Sad to say, we won't be buying them again, although they are so totally worth it!

Here's another picture I can't remember if I posted (wow, I'm on a roll). It's Hazel's last day at Neurotherapeutics in Oregon City. That's the building behind our heads.

It's been nice to have those two Thursdays a month free again. We're down to therapy once a month...And even then I'm not sure one could call it "therapy." It's more of just play time. In fact, the last time Chris came over, he sat and talked with me about dog training. Hazel had to get his attention by shoving a book into his hands so that he would read to her. We see him again in a few weeks and then not again for probably another 6 weeks, perhaps longer.

This last picture is from Super Bowl Sunday. We spent the day with Nate's family, eating too much and watching a lot of TV on a ridiculously huge flatscreen. Hazel tottered around in the family room, followed closely by Karen - meanwhile, I fell asleep on the couch. Hah! I'm blessed!

Nate took the opportunity to feed Hazel, and so the above is the picture I got. She's an escape artist, that girl.

Now I'm done with my delinquent postings. Sorry to inundate you!

Baby Belly, brought to you by Baby Girl Banks #2

2010-05-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

[About 24 weeks, so an older picture. And don't mind the food on my shirt.]

Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy!

2010-05-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

I love the sun! I also love rain, clouds, storms, wind...all of the elements that Fall and Winter in the Pacific Northwest bring, but there's something to be said about an honestly sunny, 70 degree day. Do you know what I mean about "honestly sunny"? If you've spent any time in the NW, you should. We get a lot of faux sunny days, when the sun is there, but it's a tease. It peeks out from behind a cloud long enough for you to frantically grab everything within arm's reach (including your kid), dash out your door to your car, and hurry to the park, when it suddenly makes a smooth glissade behind another cloud, disappearing for good. The temperature drops 5 degrees, you have no fun at the park, and everyone heads home totally disappointed and still seriously lacking in vitamin D.

Yesterday was not at all like that: The sun came out and it stayed that way ALL DAY. It was marvelous! Mom treated Hazel and I to the zoo, and I have to admit that I was the most excited about this trip. I love going to the zoo. Hands down, I feel it's the best way to spend a warm day outside.

Our timing for leaving the Clackamas area all came down to Hazel and her naps. She's been falling asleep as soon as I stick her in her crib for the last week (which has been wonderful), but yesterday she went back to her old routine and played for about an hour before succumbing to sleep. That threw us off a bit. We finally made it out of the house around 2pm. When we arrived at the zoo, the parking lot was packed and "Lots Full" signs were up everywhere. It was afternoon nap time, though, for most kids, so I felt sure the zoo would be emptying out steadily.

Hazel recognized animals from her books, of course, and could make their sounds, but she mostly enjoyed people watching and walking everywhere on her own. She finally asked to be put back in her stroller about half way through our walk, just wanting to take a break for a few minutes. She walked with gusto and charmed everyone! Quite a few other moms kept sighing, "OHH" whenever Hazel tottered by. My heart swelled every time...

There was a nice breeze out and the zoo paths offered plenty of shade, but it was still nice enough for Hazel to wear a light cotton spring dress and sunscreen. I love her sunscreen but it does get greasy fast. Her hair was so nasty across her forehead! It will look like she's sweating profusely in some of these pictures, but she's not, I promise.

As the day progressed, I saw more and more of her roseola spots. Her little personality was alive and kicking so I didn't feel like she was out of it due to not feeling very well, but I kept my eye on the spots. I guess I should have done my research before leaving for the zoo/sunshine: Is roseola made worse by the sun? She didn't have a fever at all yesterday and her spots are nearly gone today, thank God. (By the way, the picture shows my 26.5 week pregnant belly. I am constantly surprised at how quickly time is passing! This kid will be here with us in just about 11 weeks. Oh, and I'll be 27 weeks on Monday, which is when we started having to monitor Hazel's health closely during my pregnancy with her. If we can make it through the next few weeks without any serious scares, I'll be incredibly grateful. In fact, God, please let's just make it straight through to the end of this pregnancy without any surprises, totally bored because there's nothing crazy to report. Thank You, and Amen.)

I couldn't resist sticking her in the eagle's next at their exhibit. By the way, she is fascinated by eagles. She really does belong to Nate and I! I took an Ornithology class in college and loved it (it was either that or some other science class that didn't include weekly field trips with friends). Nate and I never really talked about birds when we were dating (beyond my crazy list of facts that I had learned in Ornithology), although there is a lake in Bellingham, WA, that we had to drive past to and from my college to Oregon that was home to an incredible number of bald eagles. But it was on our first anniversary camping trip that we fell in love with birds: We had prime seats in our camping spot to watch an eagle fly up and down the river between her nest and fishing. We were enchanted. Since then, we've always become excited by falcons and hawks on our property. We stop to watch them. We are geeks. It's true.

Hazel loves fountains. "Water" is one of her most used words, so she says it whenever she finds a reason. There's a fountain outside of her pediatrician's office, so the last time we were over there we had to stop and watch it for awhile. She was so excited to stick her hands in the water feature at the zoo (in the PacNW exhibit). I kept saying, "Okay! All done!" trying to lead her away. She'd walk a couple steps and then turn right around and head back to where the water was the most accessible.

Don't you just love her dress?

I realize I'm writing this post for myself more than anyone. So far it's filled with all sorts of tangents that can't possibly be THAT interesting to other people...

Continue to bear with me - we're nearing the end, I promise!

[Tutu and Hazel, who is almost 18 months]

[Can you see the spots? I realize this picture isn't super clear, but still.]

The zoo closed while we were still wandering around. I felt this intense need to "obey" the lady over the loud speaker who was telling us to exit and exit now, but I rebelled. We visited the elephants on our way out (yeah right, it's clear across the park from the entrance) and there's a "garden" of statues by their exhibit. I felt it was really really necessary to take pictures of Hazel on the little stone animals. She was a trooper! She hated the elephant and felt ill at ease, so we moved her from there to the mouse (her above roseola picture) and then to the snail, where she felt totally comfortable. His little humps made the perfect saddle for her.

The sun was warm and wonderful, but I have to say that it kicked all the animals into high gear: Many many of them were mating. I could have lived a happy life without seeing polar bears or bats mate.

We left the park around 5:15 and got home just after 6pm. Hazel was pooped! She fought me when I tried to feed her, so that was awesome. She took a bath and by the time she was dressed for bed, Nate was home from work. We found him outside, working on caulking our house. She said goodnight to him and I put her in bed. She never made another sound until 9am this morning. It's been glorious that she's sleeping so long!

I'm still job searching. Starbucks isn't going to happen - no one wants to hire a six-month pregnant lady who has to have a c-section (aka 6 weeks off from work following birth). I put in an application at New Seasons, so I'm following up on that today. Wish me luck!

Titleless.

2010-05-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

Nate and I took another trip to Twin Rocks, around my 25 week mark. We had a good time, and it was all thanks to Rick and Karen. We couldn't have gone without their help - they sent us with funds to cover our reservation and gas, and it was such a huge gift! We had actually called them a few days before the trip to see if they would want to use our reservation and they both vehemently insisted that we still go on the trip - Hazel was spending those nights we'd be gone at their house, after all!

It was so wonderful and refreshing. Nate and I can't get enough of the beach. Here's the obligatory pregnancy picture, which is just plain messy.

Mother's Day was wonderful! I realized that it was important to communicate fully and clearly with Nate to tell him what I needed and what would be fun for Mother's Day. Clear-cut and specific seems to go a long ways. Don't get me wrong; I didn't tell him what to do for me or anything like that, but I did make it abundantly clear that the best way to start the day would be with Joe's Donuts (from Sandy).

Yum! Nate got up about half an hour before me and insisted I stay in bed, ignoring Hazel's chatting from her crib completely (hard to do). He took off and returned home within thirty minutes (this was one of those things we'd talked about, with clarity - he's usually gone like two hours when he takes off in the mornings to "surprise" me with flowers and a card; I asked if he could shorten his time a bit so I didn't feel abandoned).

When he returned with flowers and a card, which was signed also by Hazel (and how he finds such suiting and perfect cards the morning of floors me - it's magic, or he's just seriously talented, either is fine with me), he got Hazel out of bed and ready for the day. We loaded up the car and headed to the donut shop. We splurged and bought too many donuts, but it was so worth it when we were still eating them three days later.

Hazel napped for a long time that morning. When she finally woke up, she was groggy and much less chatty. She felt hot to the touch and was glassy eyed. We piled into the car and met Rick and Karen at Macaroni Grill for lunch. They treated us to an excellent meal - Nate and I were both adventurous and tried new things (that usually never works well). We tried to share our meals but then I realized his pizza was covered in soft cheeses, a no-no for preggo ladies. Ah well. I kept my lemon chicken pasta all to myself...such a bummer.

I really wanted to spend the day outside, but we ran out of time. We had about thirty minutes to walk around somewhere (after calculating drive-time), so we headed to the rhododendron garden by Reed College. It was chaos! We parked before we realized it was a huge Mother's Day plant sale. We decided to leave and go straight to Mom and Dad's hangar. We picked up Dutch Brothers on the way and actually arrived on time for dinner, rather than being harried and stressed.

We played for quite awhile, just enjoying the weather and being together. Mom felt Hazel was hot also (I thought I was going crazy) so she took her temperature. 101 degrees. Are you kidding me. The poor thing! My thermometer at home was off by like 3 degrees.

Soon after that, we knew Hazel needed a fever reducer, so we loaded up in the car and headed home, stopping to pick up some meds on our way through Canby. Hazel had a hard, hard time getting to sleep that night. She woke up every 45-60 minutes for the first four hours she was in bed. It was jarring for everyone. The worst thing was that she was nearly inconsolable every time she woke up - it took Nate a lot of *shushing* and cuddling to quiet her.

On Monday her temperature was up even higher, so I took her to the pediatrician, who said it was either the stomach bug or roseola. On Wednesday, her fever was gone but she broke out in a rash...Good ol' roseola.

She's on the mend now, thank goodness! I'm glad to see her improving, although she's still cranky. And tired, like all the time. But so am I so we're getting along great! She let me sleep in until 9am the last few mornings, which was a gift from heaven.

The pregnancy is going well. We start our seventh month on Monday. Yikes! Time is passing so quickly! I'm feeling good most days, but still starting each morning with a Zofran. I find I have an incredibly strong gag reflex if I don't take it first thing. I'm not feeling nauseous most days, though, so that's been wonderful.

We had an ultrasound a few weeks ago and the kid looks amazing! She has her dad's nose for sure! I can hardly wait to meet her...

Easter!

2010-04-16T10:50:00.000-07:00

So, this video is long, but it's Hazel's egg hunt, and I feel (as her first true egg hunt) everyone should be privy to her excitement. Mom spread eggs out all over Hangar 52, so you'll see the adults battling some metal and equipment, but Hazel has eyes only for her lovely eggs...

[Nevermind about the video. For some reason Blogger is no longer allowing me to upload videos. I guess they want me to upgrade my blog but I really don't want to.]

I carried the camera around with me on Easter, but still managed to walk away with very few pictures! These are a couple shots from home, just before taking off for church. I was excited about the book in Hazel's basket - I like the Bernstein Bears, so when I saw the "New Baby" book I thought that would be fun for Miss B.

We started the day out with church in our brand new building. Athey Creek has held its various services at a nearby middle school for the last 11 years. This past year or so it became very clearly the time to move our church body to our own building. As far as I know, we don't outright own the building we're using now, but we have alot of leniency when all is said and done. We've built out a warehouse to suit our needs, so there are offices and classrooms along with the main sanctuary and the kids' hall.

Perhaps it's cheesy but I was so emotional at the service. It felt like such a blessing to be spending our first service in our new building talking about the resurrection. Here's a picture I took with my phone of the back of the sanctuary:

I'm not sure if you can tell or not but by the time we got to the service, it was packed. There was only standing room available...and we were 15 minutes early! ACCF went from three Sunday morning services (8a, 10a, 12 noon) down to two (9a and 11a), so I'm sure that, combined with it being Easter, is what filled up the sanctuary so fast.

When the kids were dismissed for their church, several seats opened up, but still not enough for everyone standing around the outside of the sanctuary. It was incredible. The sanctuary seats 1,200!

After church we headed straight to the hangar to meet Mom and Dad for lunch. I felt very mean to poor, tired, teething Hazel, but she did okay. She slept in the car for maybe 40 minutes and then we arrived at the hangar and she woke up.

Hazel was excited to run around the hangar and ride the tricycle Mom and Dad keep there. She fell in love with the little bell. We had lunch and Hazel opened a basket of gifts from Mom and Dad and chased down all the eggs scattered around the hangar. We ended the afternoon with lemon meringue pie and coffee before loading back up into the car to head to Nate's parents' house for the evening.

Just before heading out, though, I had Nate take a couple of belly pics. They're not that great. My hair is an absolute disaster, which I totally blame on pregnancy. Once I become pregnant, my hair (which usually grows more than a foot a year) stops growing almost completely - this round, I have fringe around my face trying to grow in after giving birth to Hazel. I'm all a mess these days!

I am 21 weeks pregnant with Baby Girl #2 in this picture. Still nauseous most mornings, tired every other day or so, but able to eat pretty much whatever I want now! I struggle with soup - I can't have that too many nights in a row - but it's been okay with me that that seems to be my only real problem. Oh, and I can't cook raw chicken or ground turkey from start to finish. Nate usually has to step in and help (I gag like crazy and then can't eat the meal). Oh, and I want pop, like, all the time; either that or a really good nectarine. Pop is year-round, while it isn't quite nectarine season, so you can guess which one I pick when I have the option.

This picture is bad, but not nearly as awful as some of the others. I was facing the other direction for most of the pictures and my hair is crazy poofy, which no one told me - I spotted it in the mirror later that night. Excellent.

The baby moves like crazy these days, which has been so fun! Nate has felt some of her big movements and I've watched her kicking - I look forward to reaching the point where it's easy for him and Hazel to feel her and see her right along with me.

Karen sent me some photos from Easter with them, so here is Hazel playing at their house. The headband was in her basket - it's so cute! She loves to have things on her head, especially headbands, hats, and a plastic Burger King crown that Rae Ann's girls left at Mom's house.

So I think that sums up our day! We made it home in time to put Hazel to bed in her own crib - she spends the first couple hours of her bedtime on Monday nights sleeping over at Rick and Karen's so that Nate and I can attend BSF. I try to not mess up her sleep schedule too many nights in a row...

Hopefully I can figure out how to attach videos again! I have a growing pile I'd like to share! Soon, soon.

Another anniversary.

2010-04-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

We left Hazel with Rick and Karen and took off for Twin Rocks Friends Camp on Friday, March 12th. It is incredible how much less I had to pack for just Nate and I...

We took our time leaving the city, running errands on our way to the coast. We checked in around 9pm and I craved bed immediately. We emptied the truck of our bags and coolers quickly and then went to bed.

On Saturday, we spent the morning reading (I napped, too) before heading toward Cannon Beach. We decided to keep this trip pretty simple, just hitting up the places we are most familiar with. On the drive I called Rick to check in and see how things were going with Hazel. I had to laugh at what he told me: Rick said that Hazel had made sounds throughout the night and every time she did, he got her up, like out of bed to play with toys. He was exhausted, as was Hazel, because they had spent so much of the night playing in the living room! I told him he might have just set himself up for trouble.

Cannon Beach was packed with people from all over - turns out that our weekend to celebrate Nathaniel's due date (3rd anniversary) was also a wine tasting tour weekend! It was okay, though - the little town was super busy but there was a ton of good parking because most of the tourists had been shuttled in.

Down on the beach I found a great stick to write in the sand with, so I took some time to try it out. As soon as Nate saw me writing this message, he took off - apparently I embarrassed him...So I snapped this picture of him fleeing the scene of my silliness:

So we wandered the beach, ate lunch at our favorite pub in Cannon Beach (truth be told, the only pub), had coffee at the Sleepy Monk, and then headed back to our little cabin for the night. We had dinner and watched a few episodes of "30 Rock" before finally being tired enough to go to sleep.

On Sunday we started the day of fairly slow again: Nate read and I napped (all that extra sleep was marvelous - even though my morning sickness seems to be diminishing, I'm still so tired). He woke me up around 11 so that we could pack up and head back home. We loaded up the truck and then parked at the camp entrance; we crossed the pedestrian bridge over Hwy 101 and walked to Twin Rocks beach. Ready for this? It's my 18 week pregnancy picture:

I'm wearing a thick sweater but I think the baby bump is still plenty visible. There hasn't been a real moment of "popping" like I experienced with Hazel (17 weeks, in Exeter, California, the morning of my cousin's wedding), but more of just a thickening and then "plumping" outward. I'm very much in the I-feel-fat stage, but I think that things will begin to change fairly drastically pretty soon. This kiddo is getting bigger by the day!

Speaking of the kiddo...

We found out yesterday at my 20.5 week ultrasound. Wahoo! We're pretty stinking excited! I can hardly believe we're already this far along - it's crazy how quickly time is beginning to pass.

Nate and I drove from Twin Rocks to Cannon Beach for more Sleepy Monk coffee (it's just that good). We tried to take a good beach picture of ourselves with Haystack Rock in the background, but, alas, no real luck. Here's what we did end up with, though:

Very typical beach self-portraits!

Nate wanted to finish our trip with a lunch at our favorite seafood place at the coast, so he treated me to fried deliciousness! I can't usually say that - my stomach does not handle fish and chips well, except from Ecola Seafood and Restaurant! I don't know what they do differently but it doesn't make me feel sick for hours afterward.

We got to Rick and Karen's just in time to pick up Hazel and get her home to bed. It was so wonderful to walk through their front door and have her squeal at the sight of us! She was so excited! She wanted to show us everything she'd been playing with. When we got home, she was asleep in no time. Nate and I were able to unpack and decompress before bed.

Even though I was a bit emotional on Nathaniel's due date, it was so good to be at the beach. It was so fresh there that I just stood on the sand and breathed as deeply as I could for as long as possible. It was invigorating and renewing. Nate and I treasure our time together every day, but there's something to be said about our special beach getaways. We've been so swamped lately that this trip shone as a wonderful reminder of what good friends we are, besides being husband and wife. Oh man, how I love him.

Totally annoyed.

2010-03-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have a little post that I've been working on for like 2 weeks, but it won't post! I think there's something about the attached video...I'll keep at it until it works, but for now you're stuck with this: a very bland, picture-less update.

Hazel is officially 16 months. I was thinking today about how well I know her when it hit me: There's actually quite a bit to her that I'll never know. She's her own person and I might understand some of her tendencies or desires in any given situation, but there's a lot going on in that little head and heart that I can't even pretend to understand. She floors me every day with how smart she is.

Last Friday she added snake, rabbit, and fish noises to her list of animal sounds. The day before that she added lion and bear. On Monday she added rooster and chicken sounds, and today she began to include quacking.

This past Sunday she began to walk unassisted - FINALLY. Wahoo! She's flying now, practically. I lock her in the bathroom with me whenever I'm in there, and as I was doing my hair yesterday I kept seeing her head zoom past me in the mirror. She's her own biggest encourager, too - Nate and I can clap and cheer as much as we want, but it's her own clapping and laughing that keeps her going. She's currently pulling moves out of the bag that I didn't imagine she'd even conceived of. I'm impressed.

Her physical therapy has been going well. Now that she's walking I don't think we'll be seeing either therapist much longer. One of them told me that her walking was likely delayed because she was focusing so much on her talking skills - well, I'm not so sure now. She's on a roll with her everyday vocabulary, and she's walking now. I don't see one being sacrificed for the other currently. He said that once she starts walking, I'd likely see her speaking skills slow down, so I guess we'll see what actually happens down the road. For now she's a good walker and talker!

She began singing just a couple weeks ago. She has a little kid Bible with a picture of Jesus on the front; she points to the picture, looks at me, and starts swaying and humming/singing, so then we sing "Jesus Loves Me"!

She has quite an understanding of her body, too. Catch her at just the right time and she'll show you her bellybutton, elbows, knees, neck, cheeks, toes, fingers, feet, eyes, head, hair, forehead, hands, mouth, tongue, and teeth. She also understands, "Close it," "Open it," "Put it down/back," "Go under,""Turn it on/off," "Turn around," "Feet first"...and others.

She says:
dad
doggie
kitty
duck
milk
water (waa)
up
keys
cheese
juice
pop
hi
buh-bye
this
hot
poppa (for my dad)
socks
bottle
tickle

She signs:
milk
water
more
please (but only for her dad, the stinker)
and a variation of help

And now I can't think of the others! Nate needs food, so I should probably start dinner! He stopped at Trader Joe's for wine and lettuce tonight and the guy behind him in line paid for his stuff...What a small, thoughtful, wonderful blessing.

Okay, before I go, the new baby is doing well. I feel the kiddo moving all throughout the day and it's so comforting. We find out in less than a week whether we're having a boy or a girl. Crazy...Time is flying!

Because it's been a month.

2010-02-25T19:29:00.000-08:00

Nate just noticed that it's been awhile since I last posted, and when he notices that's a call to action. (And he just told me to go back to school because he believes I misspelled/made up the word "awhile." I love having him watch me blog. And I guess I just laughed at him too hard - he's walking away...)

Hazel is doing good, growing leaps and bounds every day. She's starting to take steps, hesitantly but at least the desire is there (finally!). On Monday she started sporting spots all over her little body. I took her to see the pediatrician - turns out she has Hand, Foot, and Mouth virus. Awesome. Poor kid is pretty uncomfortable right now, and she's not up for many pats and snuggles from us. She was super needy on Monday so she did cuddle some that day, but that gene generally isn't part of her make-up. I knew something was wrong on Monday when the clock hit 9:20am and she was still asleep, she who wakes up promptly at 6:45am. I finally just got her up - and then I started noticing the spots. Sores popped up inside her mouth (one or two around her mouth), on one thumb, and on her bottom. I know it could be worse, but I'm sad she's having to deal with this right now. Especially since she's working on cutting two or three teeth at the same time.

Nate is staying busy with his work. He's been doing a lot of organizing in his office, which is a very good thing. I don't say that because it's physically messy - it's not at all (except for my corner). He's working to streamline his processes. I don't know how to say that better...Cody (the black lab that joined our house a few weeks ago) adores Nate, does everything he says. It's been fun having a dog around, although a bit overwhelming at times. Cody doesn't listen to a word I say until I "dominate" him, aka throw him to the floor and lay on him for awhile until he settles. Following that he behaves quite well.

We had an ultrasound last Wednesday night - and I suddenly can't remember why. Peace of mind, I think. Anyway, it was so good to see the kid! It was wiggling like crazy, showing us all its fingers and toes. It was good to see its pumping heart and full bladder. We got a good picture:

The next day I saw Peggy and she answered many of my questions regarding VBACs. I'm not up for saying quite yet what I'm feeling on that front, but soon enough. It's taking a lot of prayer and thought to figure out what's best for this baby and for me. I love this kid already, and all I really want to do is bring it into the world in one great big healthy piece.

My nausea is improving every single day! I'm on Zofran to help curb the harsh edges of my morning sickness, so that's been wonderful. Some days I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't on Zofran - I'd probably be kneeling in front of the toilet. My energy is also coming back, so I've had a much easier time making dinner (aided by my lack of nausea, so now I can eat dinner every now and then, too!) and I've begun baking again. It's nice to take control of the laundry again, too.

My belly is sticking out. I'll show you soon.

OH! And Rae Ann, Stella, and Ivy are in town for five weeks! Much family time taking place these days - it's good to have them close again.

Must run! Spaghetti is calling my name!

Ahem.

2010-01-15T18:44:00.000-08:00

If you're checking in here for rumor control, then I am happy to tell you, yes, it's true. We are indeed having another kiddo. Wahoo!

I've been praying since Hazel's birth that the next pregnancy would be totally uneventful, but no luck so far. I felt pregnant almost immediately, so 4 failed EPT tests were just frustrating. I finally called my midwife two weeks into feeling pregnant and she had me go to the lab for a blood draw to test my hCG levels. At about 5 it's safe to assume that you're alive, but you're definitely not pregnant. My first test came back showing a level of 12. The nurse in Peggy's office called me to tell me the results and went on to say that she'd never seen that number before - it felt very low to her. That left her with two assumptions: 1) I was days pregnant or 2) I had been pregnant and was miscarrying so the hCG level was going back down.

Well, that was awesome news. I freaked out; the nurse was totally morose and led me to believe that I was miscarrying. I did a bad thing. I texted Peggy and told her I was panicking, and I asked her what she thought of such a low level. She called back and reassured me that it probably meant I caught the pregnancy early. She scheduled me for a blood test the next morning.

hCG levels should double every 48 hours, so the 12 I got on Tuesday should have been 24 on Thursday - I stubbornly prayed it would be 48 and felt that that would be some major reassurance. It came back at 52. The next test, on the following Tuesday, came back in the high 300s. And a week after that, the hCG count was 8,591. It had skyrocketed. Nate and I began to feel hopeful and expectant.

When we heard from the nurse that the level was at 8,591, she told me to go into the office for an ultrasound. I told her that, by my count, I was barely six weeks along and we wouldn't be able to see anything. She said that the level was high enough my counting was probably off...Yeah, um, not a chance.

We went in for the ultrasound and it was awful. I regretted every second of it. First of all, the tech was the same lady who performed Nathaniel's first ultrasound in June of 2007. She didn't like what she saw at the time and classified me as high risk. And then he died. So I just associate all that baggage with her (sorry, lady - totally unfair, but true).

When I first got into her room she asked about my idea of when I conceived. She interrupted me as I finished saying, "Well, I ovulated on..."
"You can't know when you ovulated."
"I do, though."
"How?"
"I know my body."
"Yes, but how?"
"Um, I've been tracking my ovulation for two years..."
"Well, okay then."

Gee thanks. I guess she gets a lot of idiots in her line of work. Anyway, she spent the rest of the ultrasound being incredibly condescending. She never lightened up. She kept telling me that I was very premature in having an ultrasound done so early - and I answered that with, "I didn't want one, they told me to come in," every time. She told me that she couldn't even tell me much about the pregnancy. She pointed to the yolk sac and said, "Well, there's a cluster of cells. And there's some fluid. That's all I can say about this."

I walked out of there miserable. She wouldn't even meet me in the middle and refer to my cluster of cells as a baby. And she couldn't even tell me it was a viable pregnancy.

Leaving her far behind, since it's been several weeks since that memorable encounter, I have NOT miscarried, and, at last count, I'm 10.5 weeks along, due August 18th. We were going to wait to tell everyone until we were in the second trimester, but then I found myself having to straight up lie when people asked. I wasn't comfortable with that, so Nate and I agreed that we'd tell our immediate family, and then whoever asked us straight out after that we'd tell them, too. The other morning Nate told met that his State Farm agent had asked...so now he knew before any of our grandparents. It was time to tell everyone. Hands down.

So now you get to journey with me through another pregnancy! It's not very exciting...I feel pretty yucky most days so I lay on the couch and watch Hazel (Miss Independent, so no one worry - she's fine) play on the floor. She crawls over to show me things and hollers at me when she can't see my face from the other side of the couch, but that's about it. She has no idea what's going on in our little family. Oh, mealtimes are a joy. I can hardly cook for Nate and I - he's been making dinner the last few nights. Everything makes me gag. Feeding Hazel is such a chore. It's become a balance between holding my breath, breathing out of my mouth, and never looking at her food straight on. Yeah for pregnancy!

Happy Birthday - YOU'RE ONE!

2009-12-28T10:31:00.001-08:00

Hazel's big day was November 22, so at this point she's already 13 months. I'm terrible.

She started the morning by enjoying nursery time with her little friends at church. The ladies who work in the nursery love her (I'm not even kidding - they tell me how much every Sunday), and whenever I check on her during the service she's happily shaking the baby gate or taking toys from little boys.

The catch here is that we celebrated her birthday on Saturday, November 21st, because Mom and Dad took Nate and I to Trans Siberian Orchestra on Sunday night. I was so bummed to not spend her whole day with her, but Hazel did alright with Nate's parents.

So on Saturday, Day 1 of her birthday celebration, Nate and I scrambled to clean everything and prep food. I spent about three hours just dipping pretzels in chocolate. They were so good, but I really didn't budget that much time! The pictures I've posted here are from Mom and Dad's computer, so when I have access to mine at home, I'll add a few. I mostly have pictures of the spread before guests showed up.

The party started at 3pm, but folks started showing up around 2:30. We had several helping hands as we put finishing touches on things, so I slipped away to get Hazel up from her nap and dressed for her party.

The kid did awesome! She never acted overwhelmed by the amount of people in the house or the incredible, constant, hands-on attention she received all night. We all mingled for awhile until someone alerted me that Hazel was very ready to rip into presents.

She helped me for awhile, but then she became totally focused on some curled ribbon. I began to open all her presents for her and just hand them to her as I opened them. She was thrilled with each one. As a guest in our house, you might not have seen the "thrilled" aspect, but she was. When she devotes total attention to something, she's quite taken with it. The hollering comes when she finally feel she understands what she's holding.

People were so generous. She received many toys and dolls and books, most of which she visits several times a day in the family room. She has full on conversations with her dolls; she stacks, knocks over, and restacks her blocks; and she talks to the pictures of little boys and girls and baby animals in her books. We were blessed in a huge way by the attendance of so many friends and family.

After presents, Hazel got a chance to dive into her cake. She was interested in it, but not sure what to do with it. Finally she found her groove and started delicately shoving handfuls of chocolate cake into her mouth. Her legs were going crazy (whenever she eats a meal, she kicks the entire time, I think in anticipation of the next bite).

We had such a fun evening! The girl did amazing. She finally showed Nate she was pooped around 7:30, so he slipped away with her to put her to bed while I chatted with the few remaining guests. It was an excellent way to end the day!

Nate and I hosted Thanksgiving for both our families a week later, so I'll post about that next...and then Tree Killin'...and then Christmas.

Hazel's Last Few Months in Pictures.

2009-12-26T19:51:00.000-08:00

9 MONTHS:

Hazel spent a Friday with Mom while I worked. I got a frantic call in the afternoon from Mom, telling me that Hazel had been stung on the head by a yellow jacket. We weren't sure if she was allergic or not, so I called the pediatrician as I raced over. They told me what to look for and wished me luck. Hazel was just fine. Mom, on the other hand, was freaking out. She covered what she thought was the bite with a mixture of water and baking soda, so Hazel looked a little freakish when I got to the house. We decided to rinse out the baking soda so that we could see whether or not she'd actually been bitten. She was fine - completely unfazed and unharmed! But the best part of her day was this fancy hairdo, compliments of the baking soda...

This was the best family picture we got in Magone, and it's too bad it's from my phone (all these pictures in this post are off of my phone - I'm very sorry).

And here is Hazel gnawing on our coffee table in the family room! Still no teeth, so I wasn't at all worried about damage. Hah!

10 MONTHS:

Hazel is becoming a big girl! This was one of the first times I let her sit alone, without hovering too much anyway. She was enthralled with this rocking chair, and even more thrilled by her own ability to rock it...

There are quite a few "eating" pictures on this post - just enjoy them. They're good for a chuckle.

I call this one, "I Love My Hat!" My friend Linsea made it and it's the only hat without a chin strap that Hazel will keep on. Sometimes I catch her in her carseat with it half off, but that's to be expected - she has a hard time not playing with it.

I snapped this one as we were getting ready to leave the house. I don't remember where we were heading, but I think it's a cute picture.

CHEESE! The kid loves cheddar.

Making espresso with Dad.

Eating steamed apples. They went absolutely everywhere.

11 MONTHS:

I can't resist her baby behind! I was lucky with this picture, though - the first time I set her down to watch the tub fill up, she peed where she was standing. But not this time! Whew.

I took this picture after we spent some time at the pediatrician's office. Bronchiolitis. Poor kid! Her cough has been awful! She's such a trooper, though. She's really only been fazed by it once, but that was because it was exacerbated by an ear infection.

12 MONTHS:

Tree Killing! We climbed a steep hill. And then crawled back to the car with nothing to show for it. I'm going to get a few better pictures from Mom and Dad and do a separate post on this tragic event, so I'll leave it here for now. I'll tell you this, though: Nate was not involved this year; Hazel nearly lost an eye...twice; I thought I was going to die; my lips lost feeling.

Hazel can ask for anything and I'll give it to her if she's just wearing this outfit at the time. I can't resist her in it.
*Oh, and do you like all the kleenex in the fireplace? Yeah, Nate and I have been sick, so we toss our used tissues in there. It's quite the build-up at this point. I don't plan on having any company over any time soon, let me just say.*

And this last picture has nothing to do with Hazel! Survivor came to our town to host a casting call for an upcoming season. I wanted to join the line, I itched to join the line, I almost joined the line, but I didn't. Nate had somewhere to be, so I would have been standing in the cold and rain with Hazel two hours past her bedtime. Even though I didn't join the line, I plotted my interview and felt convinced they'd cast me, knowing I'd be the highlight of the game for all of eternity. Ah well. Their loss I'm sure.

So this post clears my mind when it comes to my phone pictures. I've uploaded them all and now they're posted. What a relief! Nate and I are staying at Mom and Dad's for a few days (oil furnace is not working and we're out of wood; our house is sitting at a comfortable 50 degrees - and dropping - as I write this), so I'm utilizing their excellent wireless connection and my free time to get some blogging done! Seriously, it's like a vacation. I'm not distracted here. I'm taking care of Hazel, cooking for my family, and getting some laundry done, with naps tossed in there for good measure (for both Hazel and I).

I'm super delayed in posting about Hazel's birthday, but there's a good reason for that. I personally have six pictures of her party and they're all either blurry or dark, or both. But I discovered a wonderful, enormous variety of pictures from her party on Mom's computer, which elicited a huge, "Wahoo!" when I found them. So I'm going to post those next. I can hardly believe my little one is already 13 months old. Weird. But she's a genius. Have I ever told you that? And she's growing teeth like you can't believe. She waited until the timing was just so, as she does with all major developments in her young life. And she's just shy of walking. It's unbelievable.

So I'm off to finish making my chicken parmigiana. Nate is with some of his extended out-of-town family tonight, enjoying a martini and appetizers. Hazel had a super hard night last night, waking up every hour - she just wasn't used to sleeping in her play-pen all night (tonight will be better) - so I thought it best she go down on time rather than having Rick and Karen babysit her for a couple hours (sleeping at their house and then being woken up to come home). That can be quite disruptive to her poor little tired and sick body.

Nate's missing out. I make really good chicken parmigiana.

SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY

2009-11-26T00:55:00.000-08:00

May your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious,
May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-21T13:17:00.000-08:00

She's pulling herself up to standing! And she's doing it so well! It shocked me the first couple times she did it, I was so surprised. Really, I was looking at her, looked away for a second, looked back, and there she was, standing like she's always been doing it.

She has a lot of interest in her own movement. It's fun to sit back and watch her figure things out on her own. Boy, it's been quick progression between crawling and standing - walking isn't too far off.

Halloween was fun. We decided to be brave and forego traditional trick or treating and instead venture out to Canby for our church's harvest festival. It was so fun! I'm so glad we made the trip. We don't know many people at church (completely our fault, although lately I've been really trying to reach out and connect with folks), but we had a blast. Hazel had her face painted to match her mouse costume...which she hated (the costume, not the face paint).

See? What did I tell you.

We had a fun time! There was a photographer there who took a really fun family photo, but I don't like it at the same time - it toys with my self-image. I don't think I'll be posting it here. But maybe. Perhaps. We'll see. Let's leave it at that.

(And how many times can one say "fun" in a post as short as this one? I dare you to give it a try. Really. Go ahead. I can't be beat.)

Big Move

2009-11-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

Tom made the move to Baltimore part way into October, but Rae Ann and Stella and Ivy stayed with Mom and Dad in Portland for a couple more weeks. It was so good to have them close for awhile longer!

Suzi came into town, too, so Mom and Dad had quite the houseful of guests. AND everyone was sick. I still, to this day, have no idea how Hazel managed to avoide, well, everything. I prayed and prayed she'd manage to not catch any bugs, but with pneumonia and bronchitis floating around (along with swine flu, although no one at Mom and Dad's had that as far as I know), I didn't think there was much chance of escape. Praise God, though, she avoided it completely!

The following pictures are from the drop-off at the airport. It was so sad to say goodbye. One of the hardest things, I think, was that Stella and Ivy really didn't understand what was happening. They probably just thought they were going on a trip - "move" meant very little to them. They'd lived in the same house for three years, all of their lives, practically, so "across the country" and "not coming home" mean nothing.

So Rae Ann and the girls were off! October 30th, 2009, and they made the big transition to Maryland.

I'm sad.

A Day At Tutu's House

2009-11-13T14:19:00.000-08:00

Mom watched Hazel for a few hours again today, so I could get some editing done. Mom had to take off to run an errand forever away, but needed to have someone sign for a package she was expecting, so here I sit, waiting for the delivery guy! Hazel and I discovered PhotoBooth on her nice new computer, so we played. This video is a result of our efforts.

Found some stuff.

2009-11-11T12:58:00.000-08:00

Here is a video from Magone. It's cute, so I'm posting it. Hazel had just woken up from her nap and we were beginning to pack up camp. She's ruffled from her sleep, but oh so cute.

And here are a couple parting shots from Magone Lake:

Here are a few pictures from Nathaniel's birthday. I didn't have them loaded when I wrote his post awhile ago (let's be honest: it's been a month).

I'm currently working on a couple more posts, so those will be up soon! Hallelujah!

Year 2 Anniversary

2009-10-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

Oh it sucked. I'll be honest.

Monday, September 28th was bitter bitter bitter. I really thought that this year would actually be an improvement on last year, which wasn't good, but it was also easier than I had expected. This year was so very hard.

I'd been pretty rocky and emotional for about a week leading up to it. I hadn't made the connection between my emotional state and Nathaniel's birth anniversary, though, until September 25th rolled around. Then it hit me - everything clicked into place.

I woke up crying the morning of the 28th and only took occasional breaks from that throughout the day. It was so long and hard. People (who hadn't lost a child, mind you) had told me that having a healthy baby would make our loss of Nathaniel easier to bear. All lies. I cried even harder when I first saw Hazel that morning. She's a solid, daily reminder of what Nathaniel could have been like if he'd been healthy and lived. But then I become confused because if he had lived, Hazel would never have existed.

To top that confusion off, I'd felt a huge emptiness in my relationship with God since Hazel's traumatic birth; such a difference from the closeness that came following Nathaniel's even more traumatic birth. That loneliness threatened to overwhelm me on this last anniversary.

God has gotten my ear since then, though. He's drawing me back, and it's a daily submission on my part, but it's so good to know He's close and He cares. He carried me through that tough day and made October 2nd (the day we buried Nathaniel two years ago) pass by in a blink. He pulled me up out of that overwhelming state and I can praise Him for that.

Last night Nate and I attended the Baby Remembrance ceremony (for Infant Loss and Awareness Day) at Portland Adventist Medical Center. It was good to be back and remember Nathaniel. I love LOVE when they say his name aloud. They call each baby's name and place a leaf on a tree. The tree this year was covered with leaves - it was so sad and sobering.

Remember Lorrie Leno? She was the grief nurse that spent days with me during Nathaniel's labor and delivery. She organizes this event each year. Last year she asked me to read a poem, but because of bed rest I wasn't even sure I'd be able to attend. She asked again this year and so I said yes (and butchered the reading of the poem, by the way - goldfish, goldfinch, what's the difference). It was good to be involved, but I'm a nervous person in front of a crowd of strangers. She introduced me and shared a little bit about how we'd initially gotten to know each other, and I cried. It's one thing to be the person who brings it up all the time, to be the one reminding others of Nathaniel's very existence, but it's a whole new ball of wax when it's someone else remembering him to me.

(By the way, Lorrie, next year I'll actually eat a piece of your fudge! I got sidetracked talking with Peggy and missed my opportunity before it was all packed away! Nate said it was excellent, though.)

So we've made it through another year. It's ridiculous how time has flown by. We took a bouquet (gifted to Nathaniel by Amy at New Seasons, that wonderful woman) to Nathaniel's grave and talked with Hazel about him. She's too young to understand yet, but I want her to know she has an older brother waiting to meet her in heaven. I picture him there, as a healthy and whole man, like he should have been if everything had been perfect. I look forward to the day when I can meet him face to face and hold his hand. I think he'll know me. That's a hope I hold on to anyway.

I am so incredibly, eternally grateful for Hazel and her health. She's such a marvelous little person! She finally began crawling her little heart out. I'm so proud of her! She followed me around the house on hands and knees today.

Thinking through our loss of Nathaniel is so sad and difficult, but then I think of Hazel and I feel such pleasure. It's a strange thing to experience all these emotions at once. They seem so at odds. I'm so glad the day has passed. I feel some relief. And I'm blown away by how many women I know who are pregnant! Last count, sixteen. Can you believe it? What joy!