One of the things that I was NOT prepared for with having a baby is the amount of trust required to simply survive. I've been floored by my own mistrust of my body and my baby. Stemming from her jaundice lethargy, I don't trust her to tell me when she's hungry. She slept for five hours today and I worried over her for the last four. I don't trust my body to make enough milk for her - she was dehydrated, after all, and I had been consistently, faithfully feeding her.
It's been tough to trust myself after Hazel's birth, after getting stuck in labor and having an emergency cesarean. Deep down I feel that my body is perfectly capable of birthing a baby naturally, and someday I hope to be on that path. But for now I'm having to relearn trust - it's going to be a long process, I'm afraid! Although I'm praying for a quick miracle!
Hazel needs me to trust her to tell me when she's good and ready to eat, sleep, and be merry. I need to trust myself, that I am capable of meeting her needs. I need to trust God, that He's organizing and in control of Hazel's growth and my productivity.
Because she's a dear and I don't want to let her down!